Another brain fart.
Crystal’s Lizards
Forty-two small, green lizards lined up to lick the big toe on Crystal’s left foot. She hated to disappoint them so she asked Roger to wait until the procession of reptiles each had their turn before they left for the airport. Roger, of course, complained in that whiny, nasal voice that Crystal had come to despise ever since she had agreed to accompany him on this trip to The Barbados.
“Fuck off Roger,” said Crystal with a look of disdain on her freckled face, “Go take a cab by yourself. If I miss the plane, at least I’ll be spared sitting next to you on the fight home.”
Roger pouted. He pouted a lot over the past four days. Crystal hadn’t lived up to his expectations. She was not pliable enough; she was too…independent. “Fine, I’m going. You can stay here with those damn lizards, they’re cold blooded, just like you.”
“You’re a dick, Roger,” spat Crystal, “a real small dick. Now get the hell out of here before I turn you into lizard chow.”
As Roger stormed away, Crystal turned her attention back to the lizards. They were so cute, each one waiting its turn in the emerald grass, just off the patio. When one would finish its licking, the next would waddle up and take its place. She found their ministrations to be more calming than valium. Crystal leaned back in the lawn chair, closed her eyes, and realized her toe had an erection
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Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 19th June 2008 | Yes, a brain fart indeed...equally bizarre as your earlier piece, if not more, for a moment when I read erection, I thought...oops...a guy, of course not...but hard to get such images out of one's system...it might stick with me for the entire day...
Regards,
TT
P.S. Your postings should match your reviews...it's a site where everyone is here to learn, so it's only fair, that you try and comment on other's work too. There have been a lot of new people who've joined the site. They keep posting...they hardly bother about reviewing other people's work...not good, this.
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Written by lovelysarah1984 (81 comments posted) 19th June 2008 | I agree with TT. Your work is an accquired taste and I am growing to like it very much. read this piece back carefully though as there are some basic spelling and grammer mistakes. That's all though!
I always feel very uneasy giving reviews - I don't want people to take what I say in a negative light and I also know that I am not great myself however reviewing helps us all to develop our skills.
I very muched liked the toe erection thing - can toes get erections? Lol.
Sarahxxx |
Written by Emmuttmax (174 comments posted) 19th June 2008 | Sarah,
Thanks for your comments.
I agree critiquing helps writers become better writers. I have taught creative writing and had to do a lot of work with students. It is never easy or fun to tell someone their writing needs work.
I am also a student of creative writing, and like anyone else, it is sometimes painful to have your work ripped apart. Nevertheless, it ultimately helps, even if the critique is not very good.
I have reviewed several stories here on GW, some terrible, some very good. I have also been attacked for my criticism, which doesn't really bother me. I guess I'm concerned whether I should apply my standards (I have made my living as a writer for more than 30 years) to some people who are only writing for the pleasure of telling stories. There is certainly nothing wrong with that, and I encourage it.
Most of what I write, I submit for publication, and much of it has been published. Much has also been rejected. That is the life of a writer. I am happy to critique anyone's work who asks, and even those that don't; I am just not sure I should be as hard on GW members as I would be on students.
Peace,
Mike |
Written by lovelysarah1984 (81 comments posted) 20th June 2008 | | That's fair enough Em. Have been dying to ask, when can we expect another Pathetic Bob tale? He is without a doubt one of my favourites on here! Is he a book? |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | Perhaps a mere brain fart, but still has entertainment value.
On reviewing.
You're quite right - easy to do the positive, no so when criticism has to negative. I used to enjoy the reviewing process but some people are becoming increasingly prickly.
I'd be glad to have a pro writer pull one of my pieces to bits - as should anyone. Refreshing that you say - with all your experience, that you're still learning too.
Reviewing is something that can teach you a lot about your own writing. The mental process of deconstructing another's work and considering what works and doesn't can only add to your own skills.
I'm sure your man enough to stick up for yourself - but I've checked out of curiosity. TwistedTales about 23 reviews per month, you about 30. Your conscience should be more than clear. As you've discovered (by the sounds of it) honest crit is not always appreciated anyway.
Sorry, back to your piece.
Thankfully I've never met anyone like Crystal, though in my younger days many women told me to fuck off.
Phil | Ooops...
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | | Can't edit your own reviews, damn it. Sp: you're |
Written by Nick (146 comments posted) 23rd June 2008 | Not sure my brain can fart - it's always to empty!!
Another nice surreal story - not sure what's more bizarre - A line of lizards or a toe erection - neither of which I have ever seen.
Also do your brain farts smell?? (ok I'm being childish)
Nick |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 24th July 2008 | You seem to attract reviews from TT like a refrigerator attracts tacky holiday memorabilia.
For me, your closing line was a laugh out loud moment; much to the disgust of my colleagues who were all busily engaged in the act of dosing off.
All the best,
Steve. |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 24th July 2008 | Holy ##@#, a goddamned #@##@## typo in my #@##@## review. It’s ‘dozing’ you daft #@##. Jesus Christ! It’s enough to make a #@##@## saint swear.
Warning - Swearing.
Umm, perhaps I should have mentioned that a tad earlier? |
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