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Hello... First Post...
By sulaas
21 June 2008
What is there to really say to someone when you first meet? Hi, how are you... My you look beautiful today... Can I buy you a drink... Does any of that really matter... Do the words that are coming from me really matter?

I am a dark person, but only in my writing. If you so choose keep reading me and I hope to not dissapoint...

Through the eyes
You can see the Soul
Although I am empty
Nothing of redeeming value
Given everything
Wanting nothing
Death comes on Ravens wings
Just for me...

Reviews

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 20th June 2008
Welcome to the site... 
 
Regarding the piece, I really feel it belongs to the poetry section. It has a lot of depth and intensity. and the use of tense...it may sound better if you say, "give/gave everything, want/wanted nothing" 
 
Keep writing.  
 
Regards, 
TT
Welcome!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 20th June 2008
Yes - I agree with TT above. 
 
Useful advice on verb tense. 
 
Try not to be too dismal . . . 
 
Hope your real chat-up lines are more cheerful? 
 
Cheers! 
 
John X

Written by briarcroft (38 comments posted) 20th June 2008
Hi sulaas, good to see you here. I am finding the writers/readers on this site full of great suggestions and feedback. I know you have been an encouragement to me on TIBU. 
 
Look forward to seeing your work here. 
 
briar

Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 21st June 2008
Okay, you can buy us a drink! lol Welcome Sulass

Written by fellpony (1821 comments posted) 21st June 2008
I hope you like GW better than TIBU, sulaas :)

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