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By sulaas
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21 June 2008 |
What is there to really say to someone when you first meet? Hi, how are you... My you look beautiful today... Can I buy you a drink... Does any of that really matter... Do the words that are coming from me really matter?
I am a dark person, but only in my writing. If you so choose keep reading me and I hope to not dissapoint...
Through the eyes
You can see the Soul
Although I am empty
Nothing of redeeming value
Given everything
Wanting nothing
Death comes on Ravens wings
Just for me... |
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 20th June 2008 | Welcome to the site... Regarding the piece, I really feel it belongs to the poetry section. It has a lot of depth and intensity. and the use of tense...it may sound better if you say, "give/gave everything, want/wanted nothing" Keep writing. Regards, TT | Welcome! Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 20th June 2008 | Yes - I agree with TT above. Useful advice on verb tense. Try not to be too dismal . . . Hope your real chat-up lines are more cheerful? Cheers! John X | Written by briarcroft (38 comments posted) 20th June 2008 | Hi sulaas, good to see you here. I am finding the writers/readers on this site full of great suggestions and feedback. I know you have been an encouragement to me on TIBU. Look forward to seeing your work here. briar | Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | | Okay, you can buy us a drink! lol Welcome Sulass | Written by fellpony (1821 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | I hope you like GW better than TIBU, sulaas  |
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