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By Talisker
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21 June 2008 |
A kind of prayer I suppose - though not addressed to any God.
Be there for me;
when time’s flow
has tumbled smooth
the edge of me.
Be there for me;
when my eyes
no longer see
the you or me.
Be there for me;
when what’s left
has ceased to be
the gist of me.
Be there for me;
for who knows
the what has been
of you and me.
Oli 21/06/08
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Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | Taken with your previous piece - and lacking any faith - a pretty bleak and affecting piece. Struggled a little with 'tumbling,' but once it had fallen into place it added greatly to the poem.
Yours is a voice I've missed, Oli. There's always something simply human in there that reaches out and touches in one way or another. You wrap that up in fine verse - but it's the voice that does it.
I take it geriatrics won't be your discipline of choice when you've finished?
Phil | An explanation...
Written by Talisker (1321 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | Be there for me;
when time’s flow
has tumbled smooth
the edge of me.
Very straightforward really. I have in mind river pebbles. Blunting, erosion, smoothing. Sharpness of physical objects (“sharp as a tack/blade”) is of course metaphor for mental acuity. It appears that some minds are soft (like sandstone) and therefore easily eroded, others as hard as granite or diamond – the luck of the draw?
Be there for me;
when my eyes
no longer see
the you or me.
How terrible no longer to recognise loved ones? How much worse no longer to recognise oneself? (the you OR me). Not about blindness (seeing per se), but about RECOGNISING. If one sees but does not recognise, to what extent is one actually seeing?
Be there for me;
when what’s left
has ceased to be
the gist of me.
I struggled with the word “gist” – tried pith, essence, nub. Are we still truly alive when what was “us” is no longer there? How does it feel for loved ones to nurse a “shell” of what we were? Like a snake’s cast skin?
Be there for me;
for who knows
the what has been
of you and me.
I think this stanza may have hidden power and is perhaps the best of the four. The question is rhetorical of course. The “who” is (naturally) the addressee of the poem – the loved one, the carer. But “who” really means “who better” rather than “who else”. It is about a secret shared by two, that is at last left to one, and that is the essence of the “pact” of love. A secret shared – a duty borne.
The simple yet poignant plea “Be there for me” I think has gravitas beyond the obvious. What does it mean to “be there” for someone? Where is “there”? Is it a physical place, or a state of mind, or heart? The statement is deliberately plaintive. It is a prayer, a pleading, a begging – but within it there is the trust that the pact of love is strong enough to ensure that the reader WILL be there.
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (595 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | Actually this made me rather tearful. It's "when I'm 64" written as it really is, and much affected by your current placement. "the gist of me" was somehow the best / worst line for me.
Very powerful stuff. thanks for writing.
V | Great Exposition!
Written by Katanga (1163 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | Hello Talisker!
I read the poem and was moved - I read your exposition above and was moved again . . .
Yes, 'the gist of me' is a brilliancy!
Cheers!
John X | See comment
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 21st June 2008 | on the other poem -- great stuff
patterjack |
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 22nd June 2008 | | I've only just read this poem Oli, since I posted mine above. When I went down a very dark path some years back, I will say with absolute confidence, that I felt God was very near to me and never left me once. He, I believe, stands by me whatever I have to face and I know for sure that I have his guiding hand on my life and when I die, He will still be there. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (976 comments posted) 22nd June 2008 | The last stanza for me was strong. It seems to be saying, despite what the subject is suffering, the history shared between him and the addressee of the poem (his beloved?) is real and will not be erased, and will live on.
I enjoyed the exposition, too. I wondered who best would be the addressee of this poem. I believe husband and wife who share a lifetime history together will be the most likely fit. And although this poem does not fit a parent-child relationship, I thought I will be there for my child, that I will not let him suffer alone or go alone.
Curiously it is not something I would pray even though I'm a Christian. I'd assume God would be there, but I would still pray he would give me someone with blood and flesh to be there with me. I think, in the kind of weakness the poem depicts, we need someone who shares our humanity. (I guess that's the Christian teaching of incarnation.) So for me, the addressee of the poem must be human.
Mia |
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