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Poetry
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Haikus
By LynB
21 June 2008
This is my first attempt at haikus, so I hope you will be gentle with me, but also point out any mistakes I may have made.

I have written three, inspired (if that is the right word, but I can't think of another) by the theft of my son's Playstation 3 from his bedroom.  He had it for his 16th birthday six weeks ago, and he is absolutely gutted, as am I.

ANGER

You enter my home
Take what is not yours to take
What gives you the right? 


FEAR 

My heart filled with fear
Lying awake in the dark
Maybe you’ll come back!   


HEARTBREAK 

You broke my son’s heart
Not a boy, nor yet a man
He can’t understand

Reviews

Written by Brett (720 comments posted) 21st June 2008
There are some bastards in the world! Sorry to hear about yours and your son's trouble. 
Regarding the poems, all three emotions are clear (so much in fact that there really is no need to title them). You have a perfect 5-7-5 form, but I think these are technically called senryu, not haiku (I know it seems petty, especially after what you must be feeling - please forgive me). Haiku are concerned with the natural world and senryu with the human condition or emotion. 
To say I enjoyed these would be bloody tactless at best, but I will say I appreciated them. 
Cheers
hai
Written by bobc (49 comments posted) 21st June 2008
I think I read somewhere that haiku, in pure form, is not just about form, but is a sudden or divine inspiration. I could be misunderstanding what I read seeing as how I'm not divine by any measure, hehe. In any case, as Brett said, the emotions flow clearly to the reader. Good job.
Hi Lyn
Written by jean.day (2253 comments posted) 22nd June 2008
I think you did a wonderful job on these haikus or whatever they are. You got across the situation and emotion better than if you had written an essay on it.  
 
I hope he gets it back.

Written by Phil (6628 comments posted) 22nd June 2008
I'd never heard of a senryu until last week. 
 
Anyway - these put your feelings across well, Lyn. Liked the last the best. 
 
Phil

Written by LynB (434 comments posted) 23rd June 2008
Thank you everyone, for your lovely comments. They really are appreciated. Brett, I don't think you are being petty at all - I'm glad you pointed that out to me. We've involved the police, and they took a statement from my son, and they dusted his desk in his room, but couldn't find any prints. We don't hold out much hope of getting it back, but, with any luck, we'll find the little scumbag(s) who took it. To make matters worse, the lead to his new HD TV was attached to the PS3, so he can't use that, and they also took the Blu-Ray remote control, and the remote to his TV! To say he is p****d off is an understatement! :sigh

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