Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Mister Smith
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1686 guests online
Poetry
Mister Smith
By Turquoise-Tangerine
22 June 2008



.




  Perfume traces scent the air inside the glass conservatory
  where lay the chains and cellophane and pieces of embroidery.
  Trailing vines outside the window spiral down like wayward hair
  enticing flawless butterflies whose perfume traces scent the air.

  Deep below, in catacombs, the online practising physician
  contemplates the evening news and switches off his television.
  Clipping wings from butterflies; to add some colour to the gloom,
  he fills another trophy case, deep down below in catacombs.

  Mister Smith, the perfect neighbour, always buys fresh wrapping paper
  sweeps away the wayward hair, old Mister Smith has savoir-faire.

        Chests to keep their trinkets in;
        bracelets, summer frocks and hats.
        Pulsing veins in marble skin,
        Bunsen burners melt the fat,
        Pestles grind the bones to dust,
        Test tubes fill with sediment,
        Pipettes suck the liquid up;
        Mister Smith experiments.

  Mister Smith, the perfect neighbour, always buys fresh wrapping paper,
  contemplates the evening news and switches off his TV set.
  Promises of candy bars entice the wayward butterflies,
  while voices cry out in the night, for little Susie’s not home yet.

Reviews

Written by Veronica_Milvus (710 comments posted) 22nd June 2008
I liked this one TT. some clever and intricate use of language and good rhymes, as well as a chilling story with lots of grisly detail.
echoes of "Silence of the Lambs"
Written by fellpony (1661 comments posted) 22nd June 2008
Very creepy indeed - some very powerful verb use in the 4th stanza - melt, grind, fill, suck... brrr.
Creepy, FP?
Written by Katanga (1410 comments posted) 22nd June 2008
 
Powerful? Bang! 
 
There is nothing more powerful in this than the explosive balderdash of an irrelevant fool . . . 
 
This is only my own humble opinion, of course. 
 
Creepy in the extreme - I compliment you TT! 
 
But WHAT are you on about? 
 
Thick John X 
 

Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (120 comments posted) 23rd June 2008
Thanks, Veronica. 
This came about from thinking that you never really know just who you might be dealing with. 
 
Cheers, 
Turk.

Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (120 comments posted) 23rd June 2008
Thanks, FP. 
Of all the words in all the stanzas... you picked three choice ones; grind, fill and suck. 
 
Cheers, 
Turk.

Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (120 comments posted) 23rd June 2008
And Gimli, my biggest fan! 
You keep coming back for more! Just can't get enough, can you, son? 
Perhaps I'll have to return the favour by becoming a brontosaurus fanboy. Look for me at the bar. 
 
Be seeing ya, 
Turk. 
 

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item