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Poetry
Angel of the North
By gutterkitty
24 June 2008

Tried to make this one work, but I think that maybe it should be consigned to the bin...What do you think?



These days, people build their saviours.

Angels are made in factories,

hauled into the sky with cranes.

Nothing controversial-

the shape of man retained.

Stapled to the blue

like we’re scared the world will forget us.

 

But no sexuality

scars the fluidity of form,

no face to send a shiver

through the pages of a Bible.

Though his kind won’t be found in Acts or Job,

in Jeremiah. His voice, if he had one,

would utter one word: “man”.

His wings might slice the sky with red

but flight is a dream that flickers

behind the agonising wish to stoop,

to pull the fields he guards ceaselessly

up to his chin,

rest his iron-heavy head in the hills.

 

Tourists crawl around his feet,

a never-ending stream of company.

Their voices too thin and fragile to reach him.

Sometimes he thinks he feels a shout

tingle through a toe he doesn’t have.

But his is an itch

that will never be scratched,

even if he’d been blessed with hands.

 

Though sometimes,

when the sun warms him,

he thinks he might know

what it would feel like,

the pride that stiffens his spine,

the pride with which he stamps the sky.

Reviews
DON'T ...
Written by patterjack (1175 comments posted) 24th June 2008
... you dare bin it !! 
 
There may well be things you can change ( and do please make them your own choices here , for integrity's sake -- ignoring the pedantic and the loose brained and the loose mouthed ! )  
 
As a miner's son , sprung from the loins of long generations of miners , I feel the implicit power both in the sculpture itself and in your depiction. 
 
That second stanza grips me in a way that even your slightly throw away , semi conversational style cannot dispel 
 
patterjack
Oh wow!
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 25th June 2008
Can I live in your bin please? 
 
I don't know if this sort of thing is effortless for you ( a part of me hopes it's not...otherwise I might just give up now), but it has such a natural flow, a calm and easy intelligence, that it just seems to seep into the brain.  
 
That first stanza is superb. It would be so easy for the subject to become overwrought, but you handle it with grace and simplicity. Simple, straightforward words and real depth. 
 
I'm so wary of making suggestions, but  
 
'Though his kind won’t be found in Acts or Job,  
in Jeremiah.'  
 
is one line I wasn't sure about. Not sure it's needed. 
 
'His voice, if he had one,  
would utter one word: “man”.' 
 
is a great line. You could spend a year philosophising over that one. Then again, why bother, when a poem can say so much more... 
 
 
Nice to see you back GK. 
 
 
Oh Yes! Yes!
Written by Katanga (1179 comments posted) 25th June 2008
This is remarkable! 
 
Can I live in your bin with Nathan, please? 
 
No, don't tell me you've got half of GW in there already?! 
 
But seriously, I think this is stupendous. 'To pull the fields . . .up to his chin'. Perfect - where do you find an image like that?! And all the others? 
 
Can I borrow your muse? I could clear out the spare room for her! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 26th June 2008
What would I do if I didn't have people like you guys to save me from my perfectionist nature? I'd probably have binned everything I've ever written... 
Glad you enjoyed it. It's nice to be back.  
 
NR- I get what you mean about the Jeremiah line, but if I don't have that one then the next line doesn't really follow :S

Written by Josie (2772 comments posted) 26th June 2008
I agree with the others. You may need to work on this, but you should not bin it for you have some fine lines here. I had to laugh at: 
 
Sometimes he thinks he feels a shout  
 
tingle through a toe he doesn’t have.  
 
But his is an itch  
 
that will never be scratched,  
 
even if he’d been blessed with hands.  
 
 
What a fine imagination you have. No, don't bin it, but improve it if you can. Hope this encourages you too. 
 

Written by Brett (757 comments posted) 26th June 2008
I can't say much constructively, just that some of this works for me and some doesn't - but I adore: 
 
'no face to send a shiver 
through the pages of a Bible' 
 
Great. 
 
Cheers

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