The raison d'être of this short short is the plank. Otherwise, there are few, if any, surprises here. I wrote it in July last year.
Torvald trudged homewards across the frozen fjord, as he often had
during the past seventy winters, his safety plank in tow. Two metres
long with a rope attached to one end, it trailed behind him. He could
use it to bridge holes in the ice, or to support his weight while he
climbed back up, should he happen to fall through.
He had stayed too long at his neighbour's; the day had long since
passed into darkness. Dinner was succeeded by coffee, which was
supplanted by brandy. Torvald related his visit to an Oslo hospital the
previous week:
"Cancer, would you believe it? Cancer of the bowel, and it's too far
gone to do anything about it." He had demanded that the hospital allow
him to return home. He had lived in the fjord all his life, he would
die there, too, not in some barren hospital room.
The two neighbours drowned their sorrows in the best part of a whole
bottle that Sunday evening. One man was losing his friend; the other
was losing his life. Their companionship had no future. The brandy
helped them forget that, but it brought them together in the past, as
they laughed and cried over old, common memories. When Torvald
eventually stood up to leave, he was unsteady on his feet, but wouldn't
hear of staying the night at his friend's:
"Away is good, but home is best," he said as he booted up for the trek home.
Torvald's mind cleared somewhat, as he picked his way across the sea
ice that had allowed the neighbours to see so much of each other this
winter. Spring came surprisingly quickly at this time of the year, he
thought. He had found the ice solid on the way to dinner. Now, it was
moving, there could be no doubt, which meant it was breaking up. He
felt it heave and toss in variously-sized flakes as he stepped from one
to the other. He smiled to himself. An ill-timed jump, or the wrong
choice of flake, and in he would go. His plank had saved him countless
times before. He wondered if he would be able to pull himself out, at
his age and in his condition.
Before he had finished wondering, he was flailing breathlessly in the
icy water. The flake he had stepped onto had broken in two,
neither bit able to bear his weight. He resisted the urge to
panic; he still had hold of the rope. He pulled on it until he could
see the end of his plank. Positioning it so that each end rested on a
large flake, he used it to lift himself up in the water, his arms
supporting his weight as he regained his breath.
Having satisfied himself that he would be able to get out, Torvald
lowered himself back into the freezing water and slipped under the ice,
wondering how long it would be before someone found him.
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Unexpected ending Written by Odaisis (5 comments posted) 31st March 2005 |
| Very clever. I like it when the story builds up and then in those very few last sentences, it comes all together. Wouldn't change a thing. |
Torvald's choice .... Written by PaulMcDermott ( comments posted) 1st April 2005 |
" ... whether 'tis nobler in the mind ...." etc: does he choose a quick (and relatively painless) death by drowning, or several months of painful lingering death from cancer? Not a brilliant choice to be forced to make, but I understand why you choose to end this story as you do. Don't change anything! |
A complex story told succinctly Written by kevinrobson71 (42 comments posted) 5th April 2005 |
| Anaesthitized by the Brandy but fully rational-makes perfect sense-you done good |
Written by Fay (16 comments posted) 11th April 2005 |
| I really liked the theme and the way it was written. I would have liked it to have been less predictable though...if the end had been a twist, it would have been more powerful. That's probably just me though! Well written! |
Okay. Written by DustinBowcott (66 comments posted) 2nd May 2005 |
Maybe the last paragraph could do with being switched round. An enjoyable short. |
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