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For Children
The Seasons - Short poem for children
By 1211kellie
25 June 2008
I'm practising again. Any comments good or bad much appreciated.




seasons


In spring


I catch the blossom as it falls
and hear the sound of a birdcall 
 

In summer

I like to sleep under the trees
sunshine dapples beneath the leaves

In autumn

I like to knock the conkers down
hundreds of them lie on the ground

In winter

 I like sledging in the cold snow
making my face feel all aglow

Reviews

Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 26th June 2008
To help: Second line, first verse: 
 
HEARing the SOUND of A birdcall. Not right to put the emphasis on A Kellie. Better is: 
 
I catch the blossom as it falls 
and HEAR the SOUND of a birdCALL. 
 
The robin, singing in the trees 
Throws his song upon the breeze. 
 
How is that? Any better? 
 
Hope this helps.

Written by 1211kellie (165 comments posted) 26th June 2008
Thanks Josie good advice. Your verse reads much better. 
 
Kellie 8)

Written by mia_ms_kim (997 comments posted) 27th June 2008
I found this poem very soothing with simple beauty, as if I am being carried by the soft words. Lovely, Kellie.  
 
BTW, Nathan wanted your "dummy" story read to his friend who was visiting (and Josie's "smelly" poems). They enjoyed it together. It was interesting how a child wants to share an experience he enjoyed with his friends. 
 
Mia 8)

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