I'm trying to break away from 'neat' metrical scanning stuff - very difficult. Every line begs to have better rhythm and I have tried to resist!
The first three lines have a natural rhythm for me - I couldn't resist! Breaking it was somehow painful. The final resolve is bitter - not sweet, I hope!
Comments welcome!
Blank verse is a curse?
Unless done properly, of course!
Cheers!
KTJ X
Questions
There are no questions in your eyes -
only angry indignation . . .
Rage and fury fill my sight –
I am unprepared and unwilling
to deal with this . . .
Why don’t you go to bed?
No, the urge to stay remains
and a surge of jealousy wells up.
I throw all caution to the wind
and so we argue, striped, like tigers . . .
Suddenly we have no poetry left –
I surrender all my points.
Strings of once-coherent thought
collapse.
Babble, blather, accusations
of gross immodesty
are all that are left us . . .
Why don’t we go to bed?
One day your eyes will close for the last time . . .
So will mine.
What will we take with us?
A poxy metric rhyme?
|
not easy
Written by bobc (50 comments posted) 26th June 2008 | | since your intent and meaning came through, good effort. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 27th June 2008 | Do you mean blank verse or free verse?
I liked this - but the last line was on something of a tangent - at least for me - but then I don't know what you were arguing about.
Phil |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 27th June 2008 | What a strange piece! I read this as an arguement between pouting lovers, and I simply can't read it as anything else. It jabs but without malice, and is very personal. I loved the questions, they are strange, but I can imagine those things being said between lovers, that mean something other than what they say.
I can't work it out, but this piece strangely sticks. (I can't really read this as some inner argument you are having with poetic construction.)
Mia  | Good Point!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 27th June 2008 | Thanks Phil - I need to check the difference - one rhymes, the other doesn't?
I quite like 'hybrids' with some total chaos and some tight meter and rhyme, reflecting whatever . . . .
Much for me to ponder and learn!
Phil - last line argument? It was about getting too obsessed with GW and the attendant forms and formats . . .
Pretty boring for one's beloved, eh?
Especially at 4.30 a.m. .......
Ho!
Cheese!
KYJ X
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Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | I'm not entirely sure but...
Blank Verse uses metre (iambic pentameter), but drops rhyme, I think.
Free Verse is much harder to define, having been around for such a long time and in such a variant of guises.
But so far, I've got this...
Free Verse drops a fixed metre (mixing the number of stresses per line), but maintains rhythm, albeit sometimes 'prose like' in places. It's not ussually 'chaotic' though, unless that's the intention. The metre isn't fixed, but there's still the attempt to render a musical flux and flow.
With Free Verse the rhythm tends to stop and start and flow at different speeds or in a mixture of ways but the music is produced by assonance, consonance, slant rhyme, full rhyme, internal rhyme, alliteration, vowel rhyme/half rhyme and a whole mixture of other things...it's free to choose!
I think it's initially hard to shake off the inaudible but everpresent metronome of fixed meter when you switch to free verse (and vice versa).
Sorry if this is not helping your obsession! | Thank you Rob!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | Thank you a lot for the above . . . I shall pursue the interesting issues that you raise . . .
But what do you think of the poem?!
Maybe it's beneath contempt, so yo have been tactful enough not to address it?
Please be honest!
Oh ha! Waaaaaaah!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | Indeed - blank verse, read Shakespeare's Richard II (though I don't think, as Rob has stated, that blank verse has to be in iambic pentametre - it just needs to maintain the metre and not rhyme - see W, H Auden's Lullaby - lovely!).
As to the poem, I found it flowed very well, but could have been improved by some less predictable language - but, must admit to loving;
'and so we argue, striped, liked tigers...'
Cheers | Brett! Ho!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | Thank you for this - gosh, Auden? Streuth! I feel we pale . .
That line you like ' . . . we argue, striped, like tigers . . .'
I have a dreadful feeling I've lifted it from somewhere, but I can't put my finger on it!
I love it, but sadly think it's not my own . . .
Anybody know? (Auden even?)
Cheers!
John | Predictable?
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | Not complaining, Brett, just wondering about 'predictable language'?
'Throw all caution to the wind' is a deliberate cliche to jar with the 'striped like tigers' next line.
I think the rest it lacks any originality or 'force' but why is it 'predictable'?
Food for thought for me!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | Tolstoy! pm on your way - sorry if my review sounded negative, that wasn't my intention.
Cheers |
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