The crow looks in;
from atop the mossy fountain
where the crystal waters tumble
over lichen crusted cherubs.
But no-one is looking out;
the superfluous windows
separate worlds
like one-way mirrors.
All is blindness here.
All darkness.
Yet the crow looks in;
as if in sombre judgement
over souls no longer caring
in a Diplock court of death.
And who cannot feel
a twinge of sick regret?
He will not have his feast
of sightless eyes.
Oli 27/06/08
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Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 27th June 2008 |
A quite wonderful piece. Hit my spot.
"He will not have his feast of sightless eyes."
Wonderful closing lines.
Best wishes,
Steve.
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Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 27th June 2008 |
| He will not have his feast? A nice piece with a clear atmosphere, yet I do not get the last two lines... Isn't the owner death? |
Intertwined images
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 27th June 2008 |
Together with intertwined viewpoints
Simple , yet very expressive symbolism .
Good work
patterjack |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 27th June 2008 |
With Steve - very effective way to finish. With Brian, the differing viewpoints work well together. The lifeless one in the second feels cold - and so it should.
Crow as judge - odd idea - but I think it works.
A little different to what I think of as 'yours.' Still a good read. A little thought needed - but more importantly - a little imagination.
Liked it very much.
Phil |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 28th June 2008 |
I was very struck by the idea of the crow as judge, both favour black and have a certain menace. I'm guessing he is looking into a mortuary, unless I've read that last verse wrong.
There's something of Dylan Thomas about this, [but as a Scot you may not take that as a compliment] 
jane |
Thanks all...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 28th June 2008 |
Batty: No metaphor here of "God" - quite literally about seeing a crow apparently eyeing up potential victims throught the window of an old folk's nursing home. The residents are not all blind (some are) but no-one seems to look out - hence the one-way mirror thing. Why look out when the world has gone beyond your reach?
Jane: I love DT! We were taliking about him in relation to my recent pieces - Phil heard echoes of "do not go gentle" - I can just about tolerate the comparison.
Oh, and not a mortuary - one stage prior to that.
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Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 29th June 2008 |
| I liked your poem very much Oli. You did well to link the crow with judgement, for, with his black feathers and bright eyes, he is rather like a judge, judging "souls no longer caring". I think this is good. The crow is known to be a very clever bird. Look: "One species, the New Caledonian Crow, has recently been intensively studied because of its ability to manufacture and use its own tools in the day-to-day search for food, including dropping seeds into a heavy trafficked street and waiting for a car to crush them open." They have every reason to judge mankind. |
Also
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 29th June 2008 |
| crows are inclined to go for the eyes, tongues and other tender bits of the dying or helpless animal; so Oli, you have got a literal as well as a metaphorical truth entwined in this one. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 29th June 2008 |
| I do like this, but I feel you could leave a kind of hint to let the reader know that the bird's attention is on an old folk's home. It didn't make much sense to me until you revealed that fact. |
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