Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > For Kids > Santa, What's In My Stocking? - Girl's version (a short story)
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1784 guests online and 4 members online
For Children
print friendly version     
Santa, What's In My Stocking? - Girl's version (a short story)
By 1211kellie
28 June 2008
Yes, I know I should probably wait until nearer the time to post this. But they do say Christmas gets earlier every year. Any comments good or bad always appreciated.

 



Last Christmas I wrote a letter to Santa. I told him I’d been a very good girl, and would really, most definitely like a pink bike, with glittery tassels on the handlebars and a horn that honked like a duck. 

Would you like to know what he actually brought me? 

A jigsaw puzzle of two kittens asleep on a chair. But it wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa! 

A first knitting set that was great fun to do. But it wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa! 

A doll’s house; it came with all the furniture and a family. But it wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa!

A dressing-up set with pink shoes, clothes and shiny jewellery. But it wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa!

A very large selection box filled with chocolate – yummy. But it wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa! 

An umbrella, with a matching backpack covered in flowers. But it wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa!  

A huge colouring book and a set of brightly coloured felt-tip pens. But it wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa!

A very pretty doll, who cried and could walk all by herself. But she wasn’t on my list that I’d sent to Santa! 

Then finally there it was, the best present ever. My pink bike.It was brilliant! It was only thing on my list that I’d sent to Santa!

Copyright 2008 

Reviews

Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 29th June 2008
Kellie - you've been overlooked by the reviewers, that's obvious. Anyone with any imagination could well imagine that this would make an excellent children's reading book - with an item from the list per page and a picture.  
 
You need a full stop after brilliant - and probably an exclamation mark. Then "It" starts the last sentence. Smaller children love repetition, and if a parent can get them to repeat "but it wasn't etc ------- " they would enjoy that. You would have to change the expression in your voice as the situation gets worse. ha ha. You will be able to practise this first with your own two.

Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 30th June 2008
Thanks Josie, I'm sure this would make a lovely illustrated picture book. 
 
Kellie :)

Written by Becca2010 (24 comments posted) 30th June 2008
I can very much visualize what Josie is saying about the childrens picture book! I know that when I was much younger I would have really enjoyed reading a book such as this.. since I absolutly loved Santa and what child doesn't love getting gifts on Christmas! 
 
A wonderful holiday childrens story. :grin

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 2nd July 2008
I thought this was very good, something that would get a little girl's attention. I thought "noisily" could be replaced with something more visual eg. "like a ????" I thought "bought" could be replaced by "brought"??? (Santa doesn't buy gifts, does he? Actually I don't know where he is supposed to get them from.) 
 
Perhaps you can do a version for boys, too. 
 
Mia 8)

Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 2nd July 2008
Excellent point you raised. I shall amend the 'bought' and think of a word to replace noisily. I am going to write a boy's version. I did think of this at the time. Thanks Mia. 
 
 
Kellie ;)

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.