The name is Emma and I am a teenager (I kinda feel like a alcholatic at AA meeting).

You might be curious of the title and what I have to tell will explain that with my random ramblings. You see, I am in high school. To some I am a child and haven't lived long enough to experience anything; lies. Many of my friends have gone through hell and back and through it again then most adults have, if you can understand what mid life crisis is to adults then you can understand what pre- life crisis is to us.
I find it very amusing when adults tell us to act our age when they themselves don't and how mad they get when we act like we know it all. In some cases we do, it's sad when you look back and see that your childhood was taken from you. Whether it was a relative or a stranger that took your innocence or, a broken home that split your mind in half.
I had to comfort many of my friends when his/her parents' argument turned into a brawl in the den and had his/her and their little siblings fleeing to my home.
I've sat at the lunch table and heard the latest news about my best friend's mom and how she had run off with another man and was most likely dying from a overdose in a hotel not far from the city limits.

I remember months ago sitting in a waiting room with friends and having to hear our other friend give birth to her baby girl just a few doors down the hall.
We grow up fast and die slow.

I see the result of my grandparents youth, my grandpa always in and out of the hospital every month. My grandmother withering away faster each day, the toll of her husbands health care will cost much more then her money.
My grand father refuses to eat much, losing weight in the wrong way. I wonder how much longer Sprite zeros and seedless grapes will keep him alive.
No longer is his enormous weight the problem but his not so much of a eating habit.

I have run away before, not from my family but myself. I hated who I saw in the mirror but as I discovered on my short trip no matter how many friends I stayed with each of their mirrors showed the same miserable face.
When I returned home which I was afraid of doing at first but a older friend consulted me and convinced me to return home. I remember what he said.

''Would you rather die in the streets or live in your home where you belong?''

I wish I could talk to him now but sadly two years after my running off and return home he died at the scene of a car crash from serve injuries but the drunk that hit him skipped off to jail with a few scratches. I find myself laughing and looking out the window, his favorite movie was Hot Fuzz and I bet it still is. I should have said 'traffic collision' than car crash. I remember the ride home from Hot Fuzz was us repeating the dialog back and forth and then going to the super market to pick up some cranberry juice for shots at his place.
Ah, I am going to wake up crying in the morning.

I became better about things, I don't have 'crazy outbursts' like he used to put it when I turned into the 'little hulk' and flipped couch cushions.
I found my voice through art (my first love) and writing which my dear friend encouraged. I felt very original.
The lives of my friends have become better not so much hell has stirred in their homes but good things come to a end.
One morning I wake up to a phone call which made me wish I've never woken up that morning, why couldn't I die in my sleep and go off to see to 'Traffic Collision David'?
Anne, a new mother, a best friend, a good friend committed suicide and our circle of friends became smaller and tighten as we hugged each other crying later that afternoon.

We, my remaining friend's and me ponder on Ann's suicide and why she did it? What was there to achieve?
I could only guess it was that post-baby distress that new mothers go through, but unlike those mothers on the news Annie decided it was her that needed to go not the baby. Maybe she thought that it wasn't the baby's fault since it just arrived and she wanted it to be here but, she herself didn't feel the need to continue on.

I could write down more theories or try to justify what she did but I'm not going to.
I don't know why and sometimes I don't want to know why, but I know one thing.
She left a beautiful baby girl behind with her striking blue eyes, Maybe her and David are laughing together at the latest Simon Pegg movie.

I laughed too and almost cried because so many memories came flooding back and had to escape to the bathroom to recover.
The good die young. Maybe they meant that the good friend's die young.
I know that I am a good friend and one day soon I might join Dave and Ann but for now I am content with life and I kinda hope I don't have be stuck anytime soon watching movies with them on a cloud.
I have graduate high school first.

It's been fun But even though I am a teen I still have a bed time like a kid.
Thanks for reading my ramble.