My workmate conned me to the golf course one day
          He loaned me some golf clubs and showed me the way
          To hit a white ball from a tee to a green,
          The way I went at it was not fit to be seen.

          Time has gone by and I've learned a wee bit,
          Watch the white ball that I'm trying to hit,
          Follow the swing through and not try too hard,
          If you don't hit the ball properly it won't go ten yards.

          Well, my handicap's down from a poor thirty one,
          Down to a fifteen, getting near the big guns;
          Then I play in the social and week end comps too
          Just like a learner on a damn thirty two.

          Sometimes when my luck's in I get a good win
          My ball flies aloft like a bird on the wing
          I score like a champ - get a trophy or two
          I know if you try it can happen for you.

          So come on you would be's, bring your wife too,
          Golf is a game any sportsman can do
          You don't have to be good to enjoy the odd round,
          Get some clubs and a ball - and a tee for the ground.

          Always in the clubhouse its good shots galore
          We leave all the bad ones outside on the floor
          Take a smooth easy backswing and follow right through
          You'll soon play golf like professionals do.