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Poetry
Sonnet Written With A Pencil
By Talisker
28 June 2008
Just a view from my bedroom window.

A field where Fresians trample buttercups

A gnarled hawthorn hedge and then a ditch

An emerald slope adorned with clover which

Looms large before my window, up, up, up

Then perching on the top two cell-phone masts

Like sentries standing guard by any fort

Or exclamation marks, where swifts cavort

On thermals, though the sky is overcast

 

I hear the thunder's rumble in the west

The birds now quiet awaiting nature’s rage

The fizz and crackle of the masts attest

To binary storms of the modern age

The more from nature’s ways we disengage

The lesser chance her vengeance to assuage

 

Oli 28/06/08


Reviews
warring elements
Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 28th June 2008
Not one of your smoother efforts, Oli - the two elements of telecomms and countryside seem to fight you as well as each other. Still one of the better offerings in the Poetry section recently. More comments in a PM.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 29th June 2008
Usually I'm happy to read and admire your poems but sometimes a bit of envy creeps in. I could stare out of my window all day and not manage to conjure up such thoughts, and so well expressed. 
Iactually thought you blended the two opposing elments seemlessly while at the same time contrasting what they stand for. 
It does beg the question- who will win in the end? 
jane

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 29th June 2008
I've been doing a lot of walking in the country of late - an effort to slow the growth of my belly. Some success. Anyway - walking an hour or two on your own through almost rural country leads the mind to wander in ways like this. Like Jane, I'm a little envious of the way you've managed to convey it so well. 
 
Phil
Binary Storms!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 29th June 2008
. . . contrasted with 'thunder's rumble', the masts as 'exclamation marks' and 'sentries'. 
 
Really good IMHO and very much enjoyed! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 29th June 2008
Sorry but I don't think it's your best Oli...some of the language seems a bit cliché ("emerald fields", poles like sentries) and I read a lot of doom and gloom poetry in which poets don't offer any real justification for their pessimistic views. Saying that it's certainly not bad, just not as good as a lot of the rest of your work.

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 29th June 2008
Thanks everyone. 
 
I'd never really tried a sonnet before - so this was a bit of an experiment.  
 
I'm sure it's not out of the top drawer, but that's ok too. 
 
Oli

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