Off the cuff and a little rough, (possibly duff).
Collapse the cards or dominoes,
arranged to amaze with weight of numbers -
the years fold by.
But days, damn, those days are long
and nothing really happens,
nothing much;
you see it all coming, a mile away.
No, life is not 'too short'. In fact
I feel it could've been composed
within a week or two, a month at most.
Imagine, the magic of an entire life compact
in seven days. Short days, too.
Hardly time to learn to tie your shoes,
eat a snowdrop, kiss the moon.
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Written by Mr_E_Writer (269 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | Not duff at all. I like this, it has an easy conversational style.
I can see it working quite well with Barn owls, however, I can't help but wonder whether the same principles would apply with Northern Spotted Owls or indeed the Eurasian Eagle Owl. Worth considering though!
Regards,
Eric.
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Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | | Thanks Eric. I think I was subconsciously thinking of the African Grass Owl or the Marsh Owl, perhaps even a strange crossbreeding of the two, but there is always a natural spillage from the common European varieties. | I quite like...
Written by Talisker (1338 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | Especially the last two lines - quite whisical.
Though I wonder if you mean a "snowflake" rather than a "snowdrop" which I think is a small, white flowered spring bulb - most probably poisonous 
Oli |
Written by Brett (1113 comments posted) 28th June 2008 | It is those last two lines, as Oli has mentioned, that really stand out - for me anyway. I also was impressed by the emphasis that life is not 'too short.' Though, I'm sure most of us feel that it is, this line made me think that maybe it only seems so if we don't live it! Thanks, Rob.
Cheers | Thanks all
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | | Oli: 'a small, white flowered spring bulb - most probably poisonous'. Yes, that would be it. You've only got a week to live, eat a whole frigging field of the things would be my advice. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | The first word 'Collapse' caught my attention, it conjured up the image of collapsed life, perhaps neatly, but collapsed nonetheless. When living seems to be pointless and dreary, it does seem pointlessly long. But I also see the contradition in the last two lines, as if the poet is lamenting the beauty one will not experience because life is not long enough. Hmmm... intriguing.
Mia  |
Written by Phil (7169 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | Liked this a lot, the second half being much stronger than the first for me. The piece could almost stand without the first half.
Phil |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | | Agree with Phil- the first section seems almost unnecessary when compared with the second (those first three lines are brilliant). I do like the ending but I'm not quite sure what it all means, ditto with the title. Enlighten me? |
Written by rainhands (3 comments posted) 30th June 2008 | The title is definately intriguing, but I'm not sure it fits the piece all that well. I might be missing something, though. 
The second stanza is much more powerful than the first - I'm in agreement that the first could even be cut without much loss.
Just a thought - you could try to convey some of the first stanza in the title, then start with the second.
Best lines:
Quote:
Short days, too.
Hardly time to learn to tie your shoes,
eat a snowdrop, kiss the moon.
| Thanks again!
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 30th June 2008 | Mia: I like your interpretation. As the poem was written more or less subconsciously without much edit I can't say too much about any intended meaning, but I've had a go below...
Phil: Possibly, though I like the contrast of the two stanzas...I'll have another look in a few weeks and maybe edit if neccessary.
GK:'I'm not quite sure what it all means, ditto with the title. Enlighten me?'
It's a note to God, maybe.
I guess it's about disapointment and craving, worldweariness, a yearning to be surprised by life - new (im)possibilities arising. You might have to be a certain age, I don't know. It may also be a yearning for youth, with all it's magical possibility and openess and adventure. I think it's partly to do with the way memory can compress life too...make it seem short and magical, whilst often, the actual day to day experience is less so - a drawn out process. The last line kinda balances on the edge of optimism.
rainhands: You're right, the title has no logical explanation or connection (other than it's kind of magical I think), but it sometimes helps to have a good hookline on GW! Regards cutting the first stanza, I'll have another look, but sometimes these things are deceiving...the whole balance gets shifted.
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