Stream of unconciousness stuff...
I will leave having never used
the word 'parkish' in a spoken sentence.
I will leave having never sneezed so hard
I split an onion.
I will leave having never spumed a moustache,
or boiled a whisker mousse, or trimmed
a political egg, or needlessly spined.
I will leave having never carnaled naked,
down a snowstorm stream of pubic bone,
yodelling 'The Bulbous Cat Wrangler'
in a fretted B flat slumber.
I will leave having never inchoate my literary dongloid;
a passing of two trees, like eels on an L-plate.
I will leave having never married an abalone.
I will leave having never bypassed a colon,
or semied a language glut, my vocum
estranged as a carp.
I will leave having never snorted carpet fungus
from the mid-rift of a Malaysian dwarf prostitute
embalmed in cocoa leaves.
I will leave a small collection of plastic fruit,
a half completed cross word,
and a voucher which entitles the recipient
double price admission to the Belligerent Fern Sanctuary.
I will leave in the morning.
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Written by Mr_E_Writer (269 comments posted) 28th June 2008 |
Another corker!
It drives home just how little we achieve in our short lives (as touched on in 'Owl').
I resign myself to pickle a red herring by the time I am fifty feet tall if not a day - and it's all thanks to you, my friend.
Cheers,
Eric. |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 28th June 2008 |
| You're most welcome. I caught three red herrings once, in a juniper leaf, I was balancing on my fronds, about to heat the whole gamut when I feel asleep and realised it wasn't a dream after all. Such is life. |
Written by fellpony (1821 comments posted) 28th June 2008 |
| some cracking ideas here, however you achieved them. The phrases, "carnaled naked", "never having married an abalone", and "Belligerent Fern Sanctuary" had me snorting with amusement. I'll have a pint of whatever you were on, and a slice of pennyfarthing please. |
Rob! Are you quite alright?
Written by Brett (1113 comments posted) 28th June 2008 |
...evidently not, but I have to say that I'm envious of 'literary dongloid' and I loved:
'...never having snorted carpet fungus
from the mid-rift of a Malaysian dwarf prostitue.'
Cheers |
Thanks all!
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 29th June 2008 |
FP: I was drinking propaned unfeasanol with a touch of glib, but I wouldn't recommend it. Hell of a sore throat this morning.
Brett: Yeah I'm fine mate. I just collapsed through a tiny hole that was poking out of the crust. I'll be ok as soon as I find my oblangata. Cheers. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 29th June 2008 |
I felt deeply sad about the last two stanzas. Seems to to be carrying on the last poem's theme - lamenting life's ultimate pointlessness??? The plastic fruit (harvested plastic? feel cheated by life?), the cross word (still puzzled? life's question unsolved, unanswered?), the voucher left behind (trivial life?). The declaration that he is leaving in the morning (life comes to an end, before you know it?) Deeply sad.
Would trying any permutation of the untried novel things mentioned in the previous stanzas, make a difference to the way the last two are written?
Mia  |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 29th June 2008 |
| Enjoyed this too, though again I feel it could be made a bit briefer. And I was expecting something different in the second to last stanza: a list of more simple, yet important, things the narrator never managed to do in his life. I think that might be more fitting, but also a bit more predictable. Something to consider, anyway. |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 30th June 2008 |
Mia: My poems just seem to leave you with endless questions! I suppose that's good in some ways, as long as you still enjoy reading them. Thanks.
GK: Your suggestion about the second to last stanza is a good one. It would make for a more serious tone and a bit of a shift from the surrealism of the rest, possibly more moving, although Mia seemed to get quite upset as it is! |
I think you will leave...
Written by Talisker (1338 comments posted) 30th June 2008 |
When the little van arrives with the nice young men in clean white coats!
There is room for humour within poetry, but I can't help feeling that this kind of stuff somehow devalues the medium that I love.
We can all spout absurdities, some of which may engender humorous images:
"I will never ream a kumquat in a bed of flailing coot, my pudenda pogo-dancing to the twing and twang of lute"
For me that is too easy. Otherwise known in polite circles as "spouting pish". I think you can do much, much better.
Oli  |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 1st July 2008 |
Oli: 'I can't help feeling that this kind of stuff somehow devalues the medium that I love.'
Fair enough, but you might want to chill out a bit. I don't think the mighty medium of poetry is going to collapse just because one writer wants to kick off his shoes and have some light hearted fun, ( albeit, with a slight serious undertone or message.)
I also agree that this sort of thing is relatively easy, though you still have to maintain a readers interest and entertain. Go too surreal and 'pishy' and it soon grates.
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