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Not News
Woman exposed to pollen in £1M compensation claim
Written by fellpony
29 June 2008
Hot topic in our neck o't woods ...

Emily  Sneezedown, 34, is suing Primworthy Council for £1 million for failing to notify the public that Strangleweed Parks and Gardens, close to her bungalow, contained pollen-producing grass and flowers. In a civil action in the High Court, Ms Sneezedown claims that she had recently moved to the area and needed to walk through Strangleweed Park to reach her place of work, and to return home.

“I am a martyr to hayfever,” she told the court, through a barricade of paper tissues, “and I moved into the bungalow in the winter of 2004. The following summer was a nightmare. Grass, trees, flowers – I was surrounded by them. It was terrifying. If I had realised the Gardens contained so many pollen-producing plants, I would never have moved to the area.”

The authority of Mr Justice Broompaddock, presiding, was initially challenged by lawyers for the defence as "potentially biased" on account of his known support for the charity Hayfever Research, of which he is a Vice-President. “I am also a gardener,” he said, showing the court a photograph of his gravel driveway. Primworthy councillors agreed that this was a typical example of local horticulture and did not press further for him to step down.

A spokesman for the Health and Safety Executive, who investigated the case in 2006, said the HSE had found no case to answer. “There is no law compelling local councils to warn residents that their Parks contain plants such as grass,” he said. “To force them to do so would be as silly as warning people that factories contain machinery, or farms contain animals.”

Reviews

Written by Phil (6851 comments posted) 29th June 2008
Almost believable in the ridiculous age we live in. I really enjoyed: 
 
showing the court a photograph of his gravel driveway. Primworthy councillors agreed that this was a typical example of local horticulture 
 
Yours is a gentler humour than is usually found in this forum, but it works well. 
 
Phil
Gentle? Hm.
Written by fellpony (1661 comments posted) 29th June 2008
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cumbria/7474468.stm contains the original story.  
 
[It omits to mention that the "calves" were five months old - by which time their mothers' protective instincts have usually dulled to placidity once more. in law there is no requirement to warn walkers of livestock in fields. You can even keep a bull in a field that has a footpath going through it, so long as he's of a beef (not dairy) breed and has a herd of cows with him. These were beef females, with no bull - other than that uttered by prosecuting counsel.]
Vicious?
Written by Katanga (1410 comments posted) 29th June 2008
Gentle or vicious, it's very funny. I spent a few months as 'Health and Safety Officer' in my school, but I simply couldn't take it seriously, so was 'removed from post'. 
 
Good story! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John

Written by Emmuttmax (203 comments posted) 30th June 2008
Very nice satire.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3457 comments posted) 2nd July 2008
I'm not so sure about gentle either, Sue. There's usually a sharp bite to your humour. A very funny satire and worth reading if only for the names which were wonderful. I think names are so important and add to the humour if you get them right.. 
jane

Written by coosh (894 comments posted) 12th August 2008
The last paragraph suggested a certain ring of truth about this tale - perhaps going more outlandish would have provided a bigger finish. As BBS says, terrific names, and a lovely satirical concept. The Gazette recently did a story about a woman filing a claim against the council for her car hitting a pothole in the road - however, if no member of the public or highways inspector has previously reported it, it does not offically exist - and she lost. Thank you for the info on charging cows. Still very enjoyable.

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