After Marshall
With its comet tail, a spinnaker of space.
With its hands of oil.
With its random slice of rubber thorns and drugged amelias.
With its minuet of metals.
With its slew of learning, old as Stellar West.
With its copper plates and head of San Isidro.
With its ornament of chatter.
With its metronome of sweat that says 'engulf me'.
With its sixties flats, and autonomy of alleys.
With its robust lodger, beside himself in cream.
With its decimal of pelvis.
With its ink.
With its silk of crotch and vine.
With its spray acerbic, rattled on your skull.
With its paste of cinnamon undress.
With its breath beneath you, lucid.
With its sun and with its sky.
With its louche of gran rifuto cum,
I place this poem inside you, with its tongue.
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (794 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | Nathan...
I don't know what you have been taking this weekend, but to paraphrase "when Harry met Sally": I'll have whatever you're having!
I couldn't hope to start putting words together in this oblique but certainly not random way, without some pharmaceutical assitance. The "metronome of sweat" and the "cinnamon undress" were particularly good but I couldn't tell you why. Oh, and the robust lodger too...
Send me a PM and let me know what it was!
| Extraordinary!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | Now, this really is food for thought and comment!
V. could you copy me in when you get a reply?
Magic mushrooms just don't fry the bacon for me . . .
'decimal of pelvis'? Wow!
Ho!
Cheers!
John |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | Wow, you're on a roll at the moment, aren't you? I like that you're experimenting, the results are certainly interesting.
You make the repetition work, which is certainly difficult, but I feel that you may have let yourself get carried away with some of the metaphors. It can be tempting to think that because something sounds good then it works well as a metaphor but I think some of these are a bit too far-fetched to resonate properly. What exactly does "silk of crotch and vine" mean?
I hope that doesn't sound too patronising...I do like the idea, and especially the ending- definitely hits you hard. | Thanks all
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | VM:'I don't know what you have been taking this weekend, but to paraphrase "when Harry met Sally": I'll have whatever you're having!'
It was a personal home made brew that isn't really fit for human consumption. Hangover central.
GK:'I feel that you may have let yourself get carried away with some of the metaphors.'
Getting carried away was kind of the purpose, carried away from metaphors and language and life, the whole gamut.
'What exactly does "silk of crotch and vine" mean?'
Hmmmm, I don't know, at least, not exactly, but I'm willing to investigate.
'I hope that doesn't sound too patronising'. Not at all, and I always welcome your comments. Just think you kinda missed the point of this one.
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (794 comments posted) 29th June 2008 | No, I thought it was particularly good, and rather Allan Ginsberg / beat poet-ish, which is why I alluded to the illicit substances.
I think I got the point! - will go back and look at your previous work over this weekend. Hope there is plenty of the home made brew left... |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 30th June 2008 | VM: 'I think I got the point!'
Nothing particularly strange - I suppose you could call it surreal or dream poetry, though I don't really like either tag. It's a generalisation but, maybe it's the difference between abstract and figurative. Abstract - kinda exploring the beauty of words for the sake of it, losing itself in the medium - pushing the boundaries of what the medium can do. Figurative would do that as well, but tend to consciously pull things a little closer to 'reality', a little more crafted - less random. I guess a lot of poetry combines the two, and I'm really trying to transpose my understanding of art onto writing, which might not be appropriate.
I do think GK has a point though, too abstract and it doesn't connect at all. But, like everything, it's a matter of taste.
'silk of crotch and vine' isn't a particularly nice image, in the light of day, but I'm not sure I want to clean it up too much.
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Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 30th June 2008 | This poem makes sense in its "non-sensicalness" to me. I feel this piece is a little like the artists and musicians who systematically break down order and deliberately bring in discords into his piece to present his world view, ie. it doesn't make sense, it's all random and chaotic etc.
The last line and the title, which are provocative and suggestive, perhaps are another discord thrown into the mix.
But it seems that the human mind cannot take complete disorder - the pattern of 'with its' is very rigid as if to force its own order onto the chaos.
This piece reminds me of something I heard, 'Don't adjust your thinking, it's reality that's wrong.' - or something like that.
Sorry if this is irrelavent. Just my gut reaction.
Mia  |
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