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By Turquoise-Tangerine
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02 July 2008 |
We all knew the words by heart;
recited with pride and gusto
as we set sail for that distant land:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,
and to the republic for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all."
Yet we were not invisible,
our frailties were displayed for all to see.
And we were not invisible when we fell,
when the rows of coffins lay in state;
upon white biers, they stood
draped with the flag that demands allegiance.
We are not invisible under God
and the army chaplain knows his words by heart.
V2 (The way I meant to post it)
We all knew the words by heart;
recited with pride and gusto
as we set sail for that distant land:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,
and to the republic for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all."
Yet we were not invisible,
our frailties were displayed for all to see.
And we were not invisible when we fell,
when the rows of coffins lay in state;
upon white biers, they stood
draped with the flag that demands allegiance.
And thus we stand indivisible under God,
for there never was an us and them
there are only the dead;
and the army chaplain knows his words by heart.
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Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 2nd July 2008 | | Certainly something to think about here. Well put. |
Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 2nd July 2008 | Very powerful, and a great switch in that final line.
Enjoyed. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 2nd July 2008 | Yep, last line makes it. It takes something with power and changes the focus to force a little more thought. Works well.
Phil |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (637 comments posted) 2nd July 2008 | Loved this one. Made me think about blind devotion to a cause and about the role of religion in bolstering patriotism, politics and war.
Great job. | Loved it too!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 2nd July 2008 | I think this is fantastic!
More please!
John X |
Written by ainsel (48 comments posted) 3rd July 2008 | There are some very interesting ideas coming out of this theme. This is excellent, not a word wasted, going right to the point and nailing it precisely.
Very well done indeed. |
Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (95 comments posted) 3rd July 2008 | Thank you all so much for your kind words, I am almost loath to admit that I pasted my original draft (minus two lines) and also made a mistake with the wording at the end. Dare I paste the corrected version? Should I bovver, seeing as how you liked this version so much?
Thanks again, regards to you all,
Turk. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 3rd July 2008 | A stark and uncompromising piece, and the controlled anger makes it all the more effective. It's a piece that you want to read again to pick up on the subtlety of the words.
I thought mention of God in the last two lines was a bit of an anti-climax but God always has that affect on me
jane |
Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (95 comments posted) 3rd July 2008 | Hello Jane.
'God' in the closing lines was meant to tie it all back in with the pledge of alliegence, but as I've already indicated I posted a 'first draft' with mistakes.
I think that I will now have to post up V2 and suffer the embarassment of being advised that V1 is better.
Cheers,
Turk. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (637 comments posted) 4th July 2008 | No, I liked "there are only the dead" which, of course, includes all of us yet alive.
V |
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