Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Executive Aubade
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1266 guests online and 1 member online
Poetry
Executive Aubade
By Veronica_Milvus
04 July 2008
Katanga kindly introduced me to the concept of the Aubade; a poem about lovers who have to part at dawn.

I've been through a relationship a bit like this, in my youth.

Oh, and for American readers, a fortnight is two weeks.

EXECUTIVE AUBADE

 

It’s Monday, pitch dark, and its five fifty-nine,

the alarm will go off any minute.

We’ve run out of time for what I have in mind

so it’s much better not to begin it.

 

Down in the street, hear the first buses roar

setting the sash windows shaking.

Asleep you’re so peaceful – a look I adore,

but soon you’ll be yawning and waking.

 

We could plan to live under this quilt for the day;

to face the cold world is a pity,

but I’ll drive to the business park, two hours away

while you take a train to the City.

 

Would you have me change jobs just to live here with you?

It’s a question I hint at, oblique.

You’ve cleared me a space in your wardrobe, it’s true

but you won’t clear a space in your week.

 

Do you think of me much, my sweet weekend romance,

though we rarely manage to talk

when I’m out schmoozing clients in Sweden or France

and you’re flying, again, to New York?

 

In a fortnight or so, I’ll be back at your place

with my bag packed for Friday to Sunday.

Will we ever achieve that divine state of grace

where I can have you on a Monday?

Reviews
Another Gem!
Written by Katanga (1179 comments posted) 4th July 2008
Marvellous! Marvellous! Marvellous! 
 
Oh, and those last two lines - brilliant! 
 
Thanks for the 'plug' at the top - and your note to our cousin readers over the pond - Waaaah! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John 
 

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 4th July 2008
Hi Vron, 
 
Sounds like you really misspent your youth!
Longing...
Written by patterjack (1175 comments posted) 4th July 2008
... over long distance .  
 
A cheeky ditty ! With just the right kind of bouncy rhythms to fit the circumstances.  
 
patterjack
Longing...
Written by patterjack (1175 comments posted) 4th July 2008
... over long distance .  
 
A cheeky ditty ! With just the right kind of bouncy rhythms to fit the circumstances.  
 
patterjack

Written by Phil (6681 comments posted) 5th July 2008
Enjoyed this one, Veronica. Good to bring the form right up to date. (in a sense) It was a little cheeky, but with sad undertones. 
 
Verse four sums up that nether world of relationships well. Neither quite here or there. 
 
Phil

Written by Veronica_Milvus (603 comments posted) 6th July 2008
Thank all. 
 
It has been pointed out to me that the bouncy rhythm is largely anapaests. And I noteced that the length of the lines seems uneven, more syllables in lines 1 and 3 than 2 and 4... Does this have a name? 
 
Perhaps it should be called a "Carrolline" I think I stole the form from Lewis Carroll's "You are old, Father William" and it seems more suited to the comic than the wistful (I also used it in "Alice's Complaint"). 
 
Wel, Rob, I still maintain my youth was not mis-spent enough! And you are right, Phil, a relationship in limbo, it has to either fizzle out or get more permanent, eventually.
Very enjoyable
Written by Brett (757 comments posted) 6th July 2008
Try again!
Written by Brett (757 comments posted) 6th July 2008
Very enjoyable as always V. I love the last two lines of your opening stanza. 
Relationships like the one you describe are always difficult - but on the bright side there seems plenty of scope for verse! 
The alternating metre - tetrametre to trimetre is the usual form of the ballad (anapaests, iambs, or anyother metrical feet). I think! 
Cheers 
Brett

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

Next item