I hope you don't mind the rough metre?
Inspired by Stevie Nicks of 'Fleetwood Mac' singing " . . . and the wind became crazy . . ."
What a line, eh?!
Just a late one . . .
John X
A Dream
I was dreaming
and the wind became crazy.
I did nothing -
I guess I’m just lazy.
The storm blew
and took away
all I had gathered
from yesterday.
I think I was drunk
on old red wine.
Your face? Yes,
well, divine!
I can’t recall exactly
how our eyes got together
but as I write to you
at the end of my tether,
I simply know
that you and I
must join up celestially
with stars, moon and sky.
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Rough meter? No problem!
Written by SplatterpunkShelbs (43 comments posted) 5th July 2008 |
| In my opinion, things like meter and rhyme get in the way of emotion, which is the true meaning of poetry. I especially love the last stanza, the imagery is amazing! |
Hey Shelby!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 5th July 2008 |
I can't put into words how glad I am to have you back . . .
I adore all your 'Adonis' pieces, and I reviewed your non-Adonis thing, which was well . . . Phwoooooargh!
Please don't go away again - I mean, we all need a break, but not forever, eh????
If you want to leave this site, please send me a pm . . .
There are good people on here who appreciate you!
The hand of respect and friendship goes out to you....
John XXX |
Written by TwistedTales (550 comments posted) 5th July 2008 |
I like the way it's so simple, yet so beautiful. I have never been a poetry person per say, but have felt that the beauty of poems is that there is even less space to play around with compared to a short story or a novel, yet poems manage to say much in such little space.
This stands out because of it's simplicity, yet the longing and love in the poem shines through.
Regards,
TT |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 6th July 2008 |
If you take out the rhyme, it becomes a really nice piece of free verse:
I was dreaming
and the wind became crazy.
I did nothing.
The storm blew
and took away
all I had gathered.
I think I was drunk
on old red wine.
Your face? Yes.
I can’t recall exactly
how our eyes got together
but as I write to you
I simply know
that you and I
must join up celestially.
Just an idea. Hope you don't mind.
|
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 6th July 2008 |
I had the thought about the rhyme (before I read the above) but it's your piece.
Phil |
Excellent, Rob!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 6th July 2008 |
Rob, I think your free version above is much better than mine - I must try to get away from the jauntiness of rather trite rhyming . . .
Cheers!
John |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 6th July 2008 |
I think this is my favourite of your 'Poetry and.. ' theme. I must admit that I liked the use of thyme.It pulled the verse together and gave it emphasis. It makes you stop and allows you to draw an emotional breath before the next verse. Of course it has to be done well and your lines flow and the rhyme seems natural.
I forgot who said this :-
Writing blank verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Never apologise for rhyming. It's a skill in itself
jane |
Robert Frost, Jane...
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 6th July 2008 |
but he was talking about free verse, not blank!
Tolstoy, you know that free verse is not my forte, and I
though I think rewriting someone else's work a cheek (no offence Rob) I do think Rob has a point, it does read better.
Really like 'must join up celestially' - and that would make a great closing line.
Cheers |
Free/blank
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 6th July 2008 |
If there is a difference between free verse and blank verse then it must be purely semantic. This is why I don't write poetry, they keep moving the goalposts so you can never really understand what's going on- hey ho.
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Blank verse
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 6th July 2008 |
is unrhyming poetry that is restricted to its metre;
pentametre (5 stresses a line) Tertametre (4 stresses) and so on.
Free verse is exactly that - no rules; playing tennis without the net down! (Not sure if I fully agree with Frost's statement, but there you are!).
Cheers |
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