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By patterjack
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06 July 2008 |
Third song with A.
Discussion We walk, we talk, we halt and stand.
We make the definitive gesture
but the arm is paralysed mid-move.
We lie, we lie, we wring the urgent hand,
we make it visually the major feature
to prove those theses that we cannot prove.
The tongue is dry within the twisted mouth,
jaws clench, teeth grit, lips thin into a line:
effort summoned to emphasise effect.
We wonder what this subterfuge is worth.
to whose advantage is it? yours or mine?
whatever the result, it is something to suspect.
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Streuth!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 5th July 2008 | This is strong stuff, pj!
I'm still trying to absorb it as I review . . .
Give me a tic . . .
Okay - the 'subterfuge' is the idea of pretending not to have had a stroke?
Cripes! I'm stunned - 'impressed' is too weak a word, and I can't possibly say that I 'love' or 'like' it.
Respect!
John X |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | I really liked this. I'm not sure what the intro refers to. Is it a continuation of some theme you've been working on? Apologies for missing that, I'll have to go back and check.
To me, this captures something dehumanising, unnatural, about our attempts to 'know' things that cannot be fully 'known'. The contortions of theses, theories, rhetorical one-sided argument as opposed to a transcending dialectic. I suspect it's inspired by something much more personal than that. | Yes , Nathan
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | It is not a special theme per se -- more a line of thinking influenced by A , a presence from long ago .
And it is referencing personal history . Not a stroke though --I think that one word in the third line took katanga off on that track
I am , though by no means fit, not reduced to that state as yet , praise be.
Thank you for the review .
patterjack |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | There's something about the rhythm in this that is very beguiling. It has its own gravity and pulls the reader in. The final line breaks that rhythm (how I read, anyway) and makes it stand out.
There's a phrase in Catch 22 - 'presque vu' - almost seen - almost there - that pulled me back to the beginning. Yours is the 'mystery' to keep - and it adds to the piece. One of my favourites for quite a while.
Phil | That rhythm, Phil
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | ... is what has kept dragging me back to the themes involving A.
It is a problem that I may solve one day if I get it exactly right !
Thanks -- percipient as usual.
patterjack |
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