Inspired by something Katanga said. Not sure if it needs editing, or culling.
I know the earth revolves around the sun.
I've felt the rays on unprotected skin,
absorbed its warmth in swathes of memory
as shadows chase the sun around the earth.
I know the skin is several layers deep.
I've felt the dream of sweeping skin away,
its warmth absorbed in memory of days;
it disappears each night I fall asleep.
I know the layers' warmth, asleep - the skin
revolves, in chase of memory, absorbed.
I've felt the night, the unprotected sweeping,
it disappears in dream as deep as earth.
In swathes, the sun absorbed the dream.
I've felt its shadows, several days around
the sun. I fall in warmth. I know I fall.
I know the dream is several layers deep.
I know the earth revolves around the sun.
|
Metaphysics ,cosmology , psychology, bio
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | A potent mix . Put together in an interesting development .
Very much worth thinking about .
patterjack |
Written by Phil (7169 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | Liked this very much. With PJ - much to think about within this.
Phil | Potent Indeed!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | This has a mysterious depth, and I needed to read it several times over. Still pondering!
Love ' . . . in dream as deep as earth'
A tiny edit - I think you need an apostrophe on 'layers', first line, third stanza?
I know the layers' warmth, asleep - the skin
Thanks for the nod in the intro by the way!
Cheers!
John
| Rob,
Written by Brett (1113 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | I think this is my favourite of all your works. A lovely use of language, a repitition to enforce images and ideas, and, as already has been stated, plenty to think about!
Some wonderful lines:
'I know the skin is several layers deep' - the profundity being that the several layers are still so delicate.
Good stuff here!
Cheers
ps - agree with Tolstoy regarding apostrophe, but that's as minor as quibbles go. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (794 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | I liked the shadows chasing the sun around the earth. Until the Apollo missions nobody had seen that happen.
The "dream of sweeping skin away" puzzled me a bit, unless, like me, you burned the back of your neck in the sun last weekend, and now it is peeling...
and I liked "I know the dream is several layers deep".
Lots to think about there.
V |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3713 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | I've read this a couple of times now and am still not sure what to say about it, except that I was moved by it; a personal reaction I'd rather keep to myself but I did enjoy it. I did admire the way you moved effortlessly from the movement of the sun to the intimate nature of skin and back again at the end; taking it all in so well.
Very impressive
jane |
Written by Josie (2945 comments posted) 6th July 2008 | | Well, everything I was going to say has been said. I also like the fact that, like the sun revolving round the earth, the word "I know" keeps revolving from one verse to another. The dream? I'm not sure that I understand this, but it brings to mind a recurring dream which perhaps is soothing? I'd like to know if I am right. | Thanks all!
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 7th July 2008 |
PJ: 'Metaphysics ,cosmology , psychology, bio'. Yes, I suppose that's all in there, though at the most basic levels.
Brett: 'I think this is my favourite of all your works.' Surely, no coincidence that it's (mostly) in iambic pentametre?!
Vron: 'The "dream of sweeping skin away" puzzled me a bit, unless, like me, you burned the back of your neck in the sun last weekend, and now it is peeling...'. Hopefully there are many ways that line can be interpreted. Each stanza was moving slightly further away from waking reality into dream-like imagery - where the body disappears, swept away.
Jane: 'a personal reaction I'd rather keep to myself but I did enjoy it'. I'm quite intrigued now!
Josie: 'The dream? I'm not sure that I understand this, but it brings to mind a recurring dream which perhaps is soothing? ' That wasn't specifically what was on my mind, but the dream is 'several layers deep', so there's room for interpretation!
|
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 7th July 2008 | A fascinating piece, many layers deep. How interesting to make a scientific, matter-of-fact statement, then to follow it through with thoughts completely unlike it - as if to say, it is naive to trust the simple observation of the eye, that seeing is not believing, never so.
And a great food for thought, a cyclical picture of interdependence and interlinking between seemingly unrelated subjects.
One can peel this forever!
Mia  | Actually, Rob
Written by Brett (1113 comments posted) 7th July 2008 | I thought your use of language beautiful, and the repitition of phrases innovative in their false reassurance.
Really enjoyed.
Cheers | More thanks!
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 8th July 2008 | Mia:'as if to say, it is naive to trust the simple observation of the eye, that seeing is not believing, never so.' amongst other things it was questioning different types of knowledge, internal - external, subjective - objective, factual -emotional.
Brett: Sorry if my comment sounded rude or ungrateful, that wasn't intended. I know how you like iambs, so I thought that was probably part of the appeal, but thanks for your further comments. Cheers.
|
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
