Commentary

Well ... its over for a team that was once so dominant they are looking like amateurs.

Indeed we were then and that defeat hurt more than any others. The fact was the players we had, had been low in confidence and the form they had shown in pre-season was not there. It is a fast changing game, and reputations fall hard. Some players were already on a jet plane to somewhere else I could tell, but they would not say. That was when the press was writing about our demise and the problems it had caused with the style of play being to fashioned and fragile. This was the English league and the game always asked you to play with fight and desire. This was not there and it was a real re-building process from there on.

I was forever there though, through the good times and bad but to recover to the stage we are at now took time. The focus came back with the old establishment fading away and moving on. This bought a fresh spirit which was refreshing. The odd surprising result became the consistent run and this also started to happen away from home as well. The manager stayed and it was a real challenge for him to stay. He could have gone with the old establishment but he wanted to see if he could do it. He could I suppose and that's why we are here now, this moment may only appear like a second and it maybe perceived to be based on luck. But this position has been created through every historic painful memory I have had from the ‘bad' years. I have carried that with me until today. It will be released if everything goes right but, it has worked for me in some cases.

I remember the game against the league leaders, they had beaten us before and the arrogant way they played and out-classed us was really annoying and very embarrassing. I felt the pain then, I knew I, and the team could get better, but it was the way I had to wait. The desire to improve and get into a position cannot be achieved within weeks or months in this top-level game. It takes years and this took two seasons. That appeared to me to be so long anyway but that is what I never learned from the coaches in the game, but from the manager, patience is a virtue. I had to learn this in a be-grudging sense, but the impatience and drive it gave me was important sometimes. It gave me that extra edge, the fighting spirit that changed the game sometimes and inspired others to take responsibility to not give up the fight.

The 4^th round game was one game were we really should have lost. But that spirit of injustice and hurt from two years ago was in me. I surprised their class centre forward with the physicality of the tackles I rained upon him and he was clearly rattled. This had the indirect consequence of inspiring my team-mates to take up the fight. My not giving in attitude then seemed to infect the whole team around me. To be honest I felt humbled by seeing it unfold before my very eyes. We were often out-classed in the game but never gave up and won the game narrowly one nil. That was the confidence booster we all needed. We knew about the potential but this victory made us believe in ourselves. It was the spur and there we really never looked back. In the league we started to look unbeatable. OK, we were never pretty but as the confidence grew we then started to play.

My confidence grew and my ability to believe in myself and inspire others. I had a growing influence on the younger players in the team and the manager also noticed this. I was soon captain and in a position to influence the side. It was as if I had a licence to stamp my personality on the team and bring out fighting qualities they thought they had never had, if I wasn't being such as pain in the arse to them all. In truth the way some responded to by often-abrasive words may be feel proud that they would go that little bit extra for me. I had to ‘pinch' myself when I referred to the world class centre halve as a pussy who needed to know what was what, go in hard and do not show respect where it is not earned. This young player then clattered the man and from then on this world class centre halve was not interested. He may have had an injury or maybe he was a coward. Not sure, but really my words worked.

That was not the only time as well. I had a ‘nack' of controlling the team and knowing just what to say to get a good reaction from them. I had been there longer than they all had. I had their respect for that, but I gave them the idea fighting, part of the English game and not for the pretty arsenal sides, who could not cope with the ‘in your face approach'.

It has to be said that in every team there is always someone lacking that commitment when the going gets rough. The needs to play together and stand up to the opposition cannot be under-estimated. It needs someone like me to get them to believe in themselves. If they see my confidence in my game they will hopefully be inspired to do the same.

" Remember being a person who has some degree of natural authority, you need to make it count. You are the team. Do not let anyone intimate you in that respect and lead by example. But that will only get you so far. Make it happen, believe in yourself. I think that is your strength."

Of course is was an honour to be given the captaincy and it was an honour I felt I did not deserve just yet, but hey I was always confident in my ability and the way I played the game. I knew I had the mouth and brains to get people on my side and fighting for me. But some players were harder than others, one example was Ricky. He was the walking stereotype of talent and a short fuse. From a broken home, off an underclass estate, sport had given him a window of opportunity to escape his reality and make it ‘the past'. Like so many others really, but for Ricky, he still carried the injustice of his up-bringing with him and it worked against him on occasions and also against us.

We were 2-nil up and cruising through to the semi-finals of the cup when Ricky reacted to a ‘wind-up' of racial origin. He clattered into the player and broke his leg. I really do not think he meant to do that but, that was the problem. The game throws some very unpleasant things in your face such as racism. It is sometimes pointless to have campaigns such as ‘kick racism out of football' when you know some players who are not racist at all, will use it against you. It is to wind you up and to get you booked or sent off. One needs composure and maturity. I needed to show him the way I thought and so did the coach. I knew what he was suffering and I could help him. But his anger at the injustice of racism always got him sent off. It affected us as well. There we were 2-nil up and cruising and then with ten men we were 3-2 down with two minutes to go and going out. I send the keeper up for the last corner and said

" If you score this time I will ask your sister out on a date."

He scored. Shit. I did not realise that would prove such an incentive. Was that inspired or what? I had my doubts of course. But more important we lived to fight another day despite our self-destructive midfielder.

The coach asked me to speak to Ricky and not just once.

" Look he is the best player we have but also the worse. He respects someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. You are the man who can get through to him. At least try. If he stays on the pitch we have every chance of getting to the final. You know that."

I was never good ‘talking' and I just wanted to play football. However, I loved the idea of being the captain and the respect and authority that carried in the team and the club. This was a tough challenge for me. I never really talk myself, especially after the death of my father. But the coach wanted me too. I had to.

It was so awkward at first, it reminded me of my first date with a girl. Stella was her name and we met through drinking Stella, funny that. Anyway I tried to talk to her and she just said ‘ I know what you want...shut up.' She put her hand in my trousers and I did not speak again for ten minutes. But this was obviously different.

" Ricky racism has no place anywhere. I agree but you need to use the idea of racism and make it work for you. You need to focus that anger into your game. Gain that extra yard, make that little bit more commitment. While it unacceptable, it is naïve to think you will not get it. It affects your game and your talent. They use it against you. Use it for you."

He looked at me and was nearly in tears. I really have never spoken like that ever. I was pinching myself trying to really believe I had said something so coherent and honest.

" Wise words...I will try boss for you." Was the reply and he walked off. I knew he was touched.

The semi-final was a tough game against a very physical side. It was the ugly side of football, which emerges sometimes when the idea of winning at all costs makes the game what they call ‘gritty'.

Ricky was being racially abused by the left-back, but he did not rise to it once. He just out-played him. He was magical and he scored a hat-trick and we cruised to the final. He was such a joy to watch in playing sometimes. He made all the headlines and started to believe in the words I said to him. That was something new we both found out. I could also inspire through ‘talking'. I was beginning to enjoy the game more and more.

But, despite the journey, little do people often realise that winning is borne out of pain and finding depths to one's character, that makes them a ‘winner'. It teaches one control in the themes that can make a difference, such as commitment, passion and talent. Without feeling the pains of defeat and the way it changes your character, I would not be here now. I know. This was a long-time coming and I have earned it now. Will I ever let go...not bloody likely.

I do the customary handshakes and lift the cup. This is magic, what a moment, the whole stadium full of colour and noise. We won because we had grown into winners, amateurs no more. Also, I had become more grounded and ready for success, and not to forget Ricky.

Fades to the sound of the crowd.

Tannoy

" The FA Cup winners are Arsenal and the captain will now lift the cup."