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Shorts
Lost on grades
By lostlogan
07 July 2008
Something I wrote awhile ago.
Thanks Alexis.G for the review and pointing out the mistake :)

Taking a deep breath, James stood hands at his sides, looking inexpressively at the building he passionately hated. The tall standing green gates before the dismal grey school building. It wasn't pretty. Anyone would admit it. It's square shaped architecture and grey slabbed walls gave the place an uncomfortable chilling anxiety.
    It wasn't just the building he hated. It was the teachers too. Most didn't care if you failed. Some were bullies. Others did their job not teaching but preparing you to meet grades and targets set by government.
    'Exams, grades and more exams. What's with the grades?'. He tirelessly thought.
    James looked down at his hand. A piece of white paper fluttered in the breeze. It was his results. He knew at the moment they were useless to him. He was clueless about the future. That didn't matter for the time being. He was free. No sitting in cheap plastic chairs for hours. No idiotic classmates. No teachers. No ridiculously unusable long math. No tediously over simplified tasks in I.T or science. No reading mundane literature he cannot yet appreciate. Above all no listening to incontestable social theory and history. He was free.
    Curiosity got the better of him and he brought the paper closer. Numerous D's printed at the side of subjects.
'That's not too bad'. He thought.
    Then it accrued to him. What was he going to do with a few D's.
    He looked up to see Tom and Peter with a few other people he couldn't concern himself to talk to. They walked towards him looking cheerful.
    'What you get?' said James.
    They studied their papers.
    'Some D's and three C's' said Peter, still looking at his paper.
    'I only got one C. The rest D's and E's' said Tom in a sarcastic tone. 'What did you get?' continuing.
    'Ah, D's and some E's same as you' he replied as Tom and Peter turned their attention to exchanging grades with others.
    Looking around he could see people laughing, smiling, jumping with joy and even dramatic tears over the white papers. Popular stereotypes were everywhere. Well dressed with trendy brand clothing making his t-shirt and jeans ordinarily plain.
    'Walking home?' he said looking at both of them.
    Tom nodded. To Jame's relief they started walking. He was beginning to feel uneasy around the crowd with talk of grades.

Reviews

Written by Alexis.G (19 comments posted) 6th July 2008
The title was appropriate and drew my interest. 
 
I wonder, did you mean to say "looking inexpressively" rather than "looking inexpressive"?  
 
I totally agree about the "ridiculously unusuable long math".  
 
I felt that the story suffered because of the cramped formatting. Definitely something I myself have fallen victim to in the past!  
 
Overall, well done!

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3713 comments posted) 7th July 2008
As an exercise or introduction it worked fine but you seem to stop just as it gets intriguing. You introduce us to James and his situation but we don't get his story. I suppose what I am saying is; why are you telling us about him? 
It could do with a little pruning in places to make it tighter. [there were an awful lot of 'nos'] 
Also "accrued to him" should be occurred unless I read it wrong. 
A very readable style 
jane

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 7th July 2008
With Jane, it stops abruptly. The opening felt more like Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead.  
 
It does need some editing. And think about what more could you do with this one.  
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by Nick (167 comments posted) 8th July 2008
Mmm I agree with Jane and TT - this was just getting interesting when it stop - I think you can definitely expand it. 
 
Also I left school 15 or so years ago and have never needed to do any form of unusable long maths, so good call on that line. 
 
Nick

Written by Leigh (263 comments posted) 14th July 2008
Agree with the others. This is well written but stops abruptly. It could lead to something more. 
 
I vividly remember the dreaded results day too, and this is a poignant snapshot with which it is very easy to identify. I enjoyed your line "Popular stereotypes were everywhere." It could apply to any school in the world.

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