I love to gaze upon the skyline watching the chimneys smoke and the birds roosting on the rooftops.
On the edge of a sleepy village sat a very old thatched cottage. The cottage had stood empty for nearly a year and was starting to look quite sorry for itself. One autumn day, as red and yellow leaves drifted silently on the breeze, a man arrived in a big white van and placed a ‘For Sale’ sign in the front garden.
Watching him from above was a jackdaw whose name was Joe. Joe lived with Susan, his wife, in a huge twig nest that sat on top of the cottage’s rickety old chimney. “Susan, come quick” he squawked. “The cottage is up for sale”. “Oh, how lovely there will be a new family soon,” Susan squawked in reply.
All through autumn, visitors would arrive to look inside the old thatched cottage, yet, sadly, none of them decided to make it their home.
As the days became shorter and the nights grew longer, the visitors hardly came at all. When the first snow of winter swept into the village, Joe shivered and snuggled up tightly next to Susan. Winter was long and cold.
One morning, Joe spotted a small clump of snowdrops in the garden. “Spring has come at last,” he squawked to Susan. “I can almost feel the warmth of the sunshine.”
The new season brought new visitors and Joe and Susan began to feel quite excited. Then one day a large lorry came trundling down the narrow lane and parked outside the cottage. “Susan,” squawked Joe, “look, a new family are moving in.” Susan flapped her wings and ran up and down the top of the roof in happiness.
All day long the men went in and out and out and in, and it was early evening before they finally jumped into their lorry and roared off into the distance.
Joe and Susan were quite tired after watching all the activity and settled down in their nest for a well deserved rest. Suddenly a puff of smoke drifted past their eyes then a huge flame roared out of the chimney. “Waaargh!” Squawking frantically, they leapt into the air together. The chimney was on fire. A little while later, a fire engine came screaming down the lane with its siren blaring. The fireman rolled out their long hoses and before too long the fire was put out.
The new family decided it was best not to light the fire again and chose to have central heating fitted instead. Joe and Susan were certainly pleased about that!
And so the two contented Jackdaws were quite happy to remain watching over the family who lived in the old, but cosy, thatched cottage in the sleepy little village.
Copyright 2008|
Written by fellpony (1821 comments posted) 8th July 2008 |
Aha ... the jackdaws win for once. I always knew they would. I've had two chimney fires due to their passion for poking sticks down the hole at the top. However, provided there's nothing else flammable around, a good fire is great for an old chimney. Nothing else gets it so clean. Your family are obviously townies to be put off so easily PS - "a puff of smoke drifted PAST their eyes." "Susan flapped her wings and RAN up and down" Watch punctuation in dialogue too - you got it right in the bit about Spring having come at last. |
Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 8th July 2008 |
Thanks FP, I have now amended. Yes, I think they must be townies. I remember watching quite a few chimney fires in the village where I grew up - for us young ones they were a great source of entertainment! |
Written by stevetroster (1618 comments posted) 8th July 2008 |
Hi Kellie. In order to progress my young daughters grasp of English composition, we play a game in which I take a written story, remove some of the text, and then ask her to fill in the gaps with suitable words. We’ve just used your story (hopefully we haven‘t infringed copyright!). My daughter found your story quite enjoyable, but one thing I would say is that if you are going to write for children it is extremely important to ensure that your punctuation and capitalization is up to scratch. There are currently quite a few issues with your story that a quick proofread should highlight. If not, let me know and I'll point them out to you. All the best, Steve.
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Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 8th July 2008 |
Thank you Steve - I have revised the original and used all your suggestions. It reads so much better now. Kellie |
Written by Josie (2945 comments posted) 9th July 2008 |
| Hello Kellie - This is a really good story which children would love. Actually I found a story also about a jackdaw: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/3226780.stm "A grandmother died after a jackdaw nested in the chimney of her home, blocking the escape of poisonous carbon monoxide fumes from her fire, an inquest has heard." They found the poor woman and her little Jack Russell dog dead together because of jackdaws. |
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