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Back to work
By awakenedmind
08 July 2008
How it seemed to me walking back to work

Each individual raindrop can clearly be seen as it hammers down against the pavement.

The wind driving the rain horizontally onto your face stinging in its ferocity, a howl emanates from the rooftop as the wind creates its song passing over the chimneys.

Wearing a ¾ length coat with a hood pulled tightly around my head; my trouser legs are soaked through, the water dribbling now down my leg into my shoe.

The pavement is narrow against the road as cars drive through as if the weather was normal, not caring what happens to the spray they create as it goes under my coat.

Feeling cold, wet and miserable I continue.

Seeing a bus shelter I seek its sanctuary whilst waiting for a slackening of the downpour.

Looking skywards the clouds darken angrily as the mass of Columbus clouds seem to grow before my eyes.

A growl surges through the air with a strange electric feel as lightening flashes down and lights up the road, another thunderclap soon follows as I scrunch my shoulders together and tuck my head down.

15 minutes I wait until the rain, thunder and lightening have spent their energy, for now.

Emerging from the shelter the Columbus clouds seem to have more form in them as the darkness at the bottom lightens at the top. The sun tries to break through the barrier of cloud and creates even more shape and form to the clouds as I start on my journey again.

Reviews

Written by AlisonKim (25 comments posted) 8th July 2008
I could feel that thunderstorm! Good description and detail.  
 
Perhaps the last paragraph could be shortened or split into two, just in keeping with the shortness of all the others. 
 
 
AK :)

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 8th July 2008
This is all nicely done, but it's more of an incident than a story. We have no sense of the place, or character, or the reason the MC was out in the rain. It could be an effective intro to something larger maybe. I hope this helps. 
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by rene (1 comments posted) 8th July 2008
i enjoyedthis, it was surreal but still had an air of verisimilitude somehow. maybe thats becuase i just took a couple of sleeping pills in hopes offallin to sleep soon. anyhow, this short piece reminded me of a painting more than a story of any kind, sort of like beckett's imagination dead imagine. it is vague, which is not exactly a bad thing. it could be a person in a middle of a storm or a person experiencing a panic attack in the middle of a strike vote. or walking down a crowded street when all you want is an empty house and four walls. personally, i don't think its is always necessary to have setting, characters, etc. art isn't reality and it can exist in any way that it works. 
 
the eye of the storm, continuing on your 'journey', i think these ideas are too fruitful to leave as is. they are far away fruition and i get the feeling it is tramelled but there. write a story man

Written by Mr_E_Writer (269 comments posted) 9th July 2008
Happy Jack strikes again! No it isn't all nicely done, far from it. 
 
There are three different POV's in the first three sentences:  
Each individual raindrop can clearly be seen...  
The wind driving the rain horizontally onto your face...  
... a hood pulled tightly around my head; my trouser... 
 
Typo on lightening (twice) as opposed to 'lightning' which is an atmoshperic disturbance. 
 
And, Columbus clouds? Are they specific to Columbus, Ohio? Formed by the exhaust trail from the space shuttle? Named after Christopher? 
 
Not a short story, a snapshot. Why? What was the point? If it was to show off your creativity, it failed. 
 
Sorry, not good.

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