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Poetry


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Adjustments

By punchy

09 July 2008

If I could change the way I look

And face the surgeons knife

The first adjustment I would make

To be the perfect wife

Would turn my gnat bites into hills

With ripe volcanic peaks

And have myself a button nose

Instead of pointed beak

I'd suck out all the cottage cheese

And leave a silken Brie

So when my husband strokes my thigh

It won't disguise my knee

The map of veins that ride my skin

The lasers would remove

And wrinkles would be ironed out

There's so much to improve

But once my body looks that good

And yearns to be explored

The next adjustment I would make

Is hubby, cos I'm bored

Reviews

Welcome back, Paula!
Written by Brett (1113 comments posted) 9th July 2008

You've been away too long - but what a triumphant return!

Like 'With ripe volcanic peaks' and that final stanza is a killer. Very enjoyable.
Cheers

Cheeses
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 9th July 2008

Love that silken Brie line !!!

Great piece of verse attack !

patterjack

Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (306 comments posted) 9th July 2008

Nice idea, but would you junk him or have him make a few changes for you?

Two 'whens' in the line beginning: So when when.

Could do with a little bit of extra punctuation here and there. E.g. in the sentence: Is hubby cos I'm bored.
Is hubby, cos I'm bored.
Is hubby... cos I'm bored.
Is hubby - cos I'm bored.

Regards,
Turk.

Hello again Paula!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 9th July 2008

I'm with Brett all the way on this - it's great to have you back! Indeed it is! And with such a stonkingy good piece too! And yes, a final stanza to die for!

Cheers!

John

Thanks
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 9th July 2008

Cheers for all your kind reviews.
It's good to be back and I shall enjoy reading what I've missed and look forward to a few late night poetry lock ins!
Thanks for the when when comment, I read through it twice and didn't even notice.
Paula x

Written by Veronica_Milvus (794 comments posted) 9th July 2008

Hiya Paula!

Glad you have returned to the fold. Enjoyed this somewhat self-deprecating work. I didn't expect the punchline, but, when you point it out, it makes sense.

Maybe his and hers cosmetic surgery packages are the only way to keep couples together.

Written by Phil (7169 comments posted) 9th July 2008

Hi PP. Fun, enjoyable and witty.

Another who is glad to see you back. I check your blog from time to time - but no action there either.

Phil

Written by Josie (2945 comments posted) 9th July 2008

Hello Punchy - A great little poem. We all feel that our bodies are what people really see, but, in fact, it is the person inside the body that is the most important thing. We women always worry about what to wear and what we look like, but I was discussing with my friends this subject the other day and we all agreed on one thing: If you asked someone what someone was wearing when they met them in the town, unless it was something quite outrageous, they wouldn't remember, but they WOULD for certain remember what mood they were in and what they had talked about. Think on that one. ha ha and don't worry. We like you for your funny poems.

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 10th July 2008

Deep and funny and meaningful. Isn't this we go through for all our lives? If I could change that i'd look better, If I change this, I'd feel better. Great work.

Regards,
TT

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