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Poetry
Some days
By TwistedTales
11 July 2008
This is my second poem in this section. I've only ever written three. I don't know a thing about poems. I am posting it here for you to tell me if it's any good, or even qualifies as a poem.

Some days, I’ve no one to talk to,

Not even myself,

So, I sit and write,

Or just cry, with self,

Alone, at night
 

I stare out the window,

At the sky, the birds, the trees,

My world runs in motion slow,

Like the last one left on a chess-board, a lone piece


I walk, I sing, I dance sometimes,

I read, I laugh, I learn sometimes,

I pray, I like the gray sometimes,

But a red, a green, a yellow would be nice sometimes
 

The sun shines like a light bright,

Bathes everyone with its glow,

Like a writer at work in the night,

Letting his blood spill onto the page below
 

Time runs in front of my eyes,

Before you know it passes you by,

With no greetings, no goodbyes,

It’ no one’s friend, no one’s ally 


Day comes and goes like everyday,

It’s got God’s orders to obey,

When today comes, you miss yesterday,

When it was yesterday, you wanted today

 
I look with my glasses on, and without,

If I want to get lost, I take them off,

The world’s much clearer, and not,

I do so to find myself, not to loaf.


Some days, I’ve no one to talk to,

Not even myself,

So, I sit and write,

Or just cry, with self,

Alone, at night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews
Good attempt
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 10th July 2008
However it could do with a lot more compression.  
The underlying ideas are fine-- but the expression is a little too loose for what I would call poetry rather than verse. 
 
It is my belief that the writer must look critically at his own work , therefore I do not want to suggest the rewriting of specific lines. 
I like the chessboard image and the last two lines of stanza six. 
 
patterjack

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 12th July 2008
Thanks PJ. I guess I have a long way to go before I could write a decent poem. Let me have a look and see if I can present it in a better way.  
 
Thanks again PJ.  
 
Regards, 
TT

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