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Shorts
The Journey
By woody44
11 July 2008
Another `flash fiction` piece done for a competition

 

THE JOURNEY

 

I came across him as I pursued my solitary travels. Round of body and ruddy of face, he was seated by the village duck pond,  a jug of ale in one hand, a smouldering pipe in the other.

    `Tis fair set for Micklemass`, he greeted me, taking a long, considered draw on his old pipe.

    `Indeed it is sir,` I replied, slumping down gratefully beside him.

    `You be come far travelling?,` he asked.

For a moment I stared at the placid water.  `Many a good mile these past weeks,` I replied.

He turned to face me, his rheumy eyes taking in my road-weary appearance. `You be  wanting a gill then,` he said, thrusting the earthenware jug towards me.

     `Why thankyou for your kindness,` I replied, gulping a mouthful of the cool, frothy  liquid.

     `I like the quiet see,` he said, taking another draw on his pipe. `Gets a jug from the Anchor and comes down here most afternoons.` He lapsed into silence as I took another draft of the sweet-tasting ale.   

     `Lovely spot to be alone with your thoughts,` I replied after a while, handing him back the jug.

     He took a long swig. `Strange things, thoughts,` he said, knocking out his pipe against the side of the old seat. `Some folk sits an` lets `em wash over  theirselves  `til they becomes clear as well water. Others..well others does their best  to keep them thoughts two steps behind `em.`

We sat in silence again, he rekindling his old pipe, me gazing at the dragon flies as they hovered over the shimmering pond.

    `Nice place is it..your village?`  I eventually asked.

    `Good as most I expect,` he replied.

     

Reviews

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 12th July 2008
This is beautiful Woody. Some of the imagery is vivid and I felt good reading it. The pipe, the ale, the old gent, the traveler. You have the knack of packing a bag-full of gunpowder into a bullet. I love the conversation, especially at the end by the old gent about the thoughts and stuff. The only part for me which seemed slightly flat was the ending. I don't know, I expected something a bit more profound. Overall, terrific job.  
 
Regards, 
TT 
 

Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 14th July 2008
Thanks TT. I was trying to hint that after the old man`s sage words, the traveller decided to perhaps stop running from whatever he was running from, and face up to his demons by settling in the village. Perhaps not enough words to convey this in its entirety. 
 
happy writing 
Roger

Written by Phil (6731 comments posted) 18th July 2008
Hi Woody. Sorry I'm coming to this late. 
 
Not a fan (generally) of flash - but this set the scene well and told its own story. Much like some poems, it was layered and the themes were there if the reader cared to to think. 
 
Enjoyed. 
 
Phil

Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 19th July 2008
Hi Phil and thanks. Quite a challenge to convey the essence of the story in so few words. Just submitted several for a library comp with just a 50 word limit. I quite like them, but then perhaps I`m just lazy! 
How is the novel coming along? 
 
Roger

Written by Grumpy (23 comments posted) 14th August 2008
Hello Roger. 
 
I enjoyed this more after your explanation of the ending - or rather what's going on here. I understand that you shouldn't be too obvious with stories like this, but I wonder if the reader needs just a little more help.  
 
Would it help if the story finished with a reaction from the traveler to the old man's words? The way it is here, it just stops. 
 
Or maybe something in the title? Journey's End or something. Although I still feel we need to finish with the thoughts or reaction of the traveler. 
 
Overall though, intriguing and nicely written.

Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 15th August 2008
Hi Lee. I thought about the ending but decided the fact that the traveller had asked about the village was enough to instill in the reader`s mind the fact that he was probably thinking of ending his journey right there. I think it would have been a step too far if he had replied to the old man.All writing is of course subjective, which is why we get so many varied reviews! I slightly rewrote the piece for the competition, and in fact did call it `Journey`s End`  
 
Thanks for your comments 
Roger

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