First draft, open to ideas, comments, as always. Partially inspired by a book on symbolism, also an attempt to shift from a male narrator (or is it?)…not specifically a female perspective, 'cos I don't think I'm up to that, but a kind of ambiguity (I'm digging myself deeper!).
Shall
I tell him about the hole
that opens beneath the desk
and how I drop my laminated
name of birth on entrance,
strip myself of inheritance -
all lines embossed and designated:
father's hand that mauled my breast,
mother trapped, treading a role
pounded down, straight from birth?
Shall
I tell him how I ease
my thighs through it, 'inverted animus
bonding with anima'; reversed
vision, white-blue fluorescent, dispersed
scent of office receding: Executive Clitoris
vs. CK's On Time, it's lease-
hold on fibres and a week's worth
of dust - replaced by astringent chemical
lemon, in the crush of a daily pheromone battle?
Shall
I mention the tunnel proceeds
to the sound of nightjars and lovers merging,
under the blossom of acacia trees, a surging
stream surrounds our island, as an avatar feeds
on the milkmaids he lured with his rattle
of semen, divine - how all is bliss, and all
is confined to an office, an interior, in his masculine brain?
Shall
I tell him all this, just to ease his pain?
|
Written by Veronica_Milvus (603 comments posted) 11th July 2008 | I was ok with this woman disappearing into a hole beneath her desk, until halfway through the second stanza, when what sounded like two publications unknown to this office-dweller were referenced!
But I get the idea that she is escaping to a sensual dream world. Don't we all do that at work sometimes?
Who is the "he" she is going to tell? The boss? The guy in the next office?
I liked the "lovers merging" and "surging" rhyme. | Thanks Vron!
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 12th July 2008 | References in the second stanza: Possibly a little obscure, though I thought the 'scent' 'CK' ('Calvin Klein's') and 'Pheromone' would give it away.
Two invented scents, traces left in the fibres of the carpet/furnishings - connotations of covering up natural scent/self, battle between impulsive/sexual and habitual/workorientated self, different smells covering other smells in layers, the commercial tackiness and bitterness of this 'reality' she is escaping.. contrast with the blossom/lovers merging in the third stanza.
The language got pretty dense here, looking back at the 'office' (reversed vision), possibly trying to imply the difficulty of shaking off more layers, shaking off duality and daily 'reality'...
'But I get the idea that she is escaping to a sensual dream world.' To me, it's also questioning what is real beneath these layers...the workplace, the laminated name, inherited traits/anxieties, disunity, the scene depicted in the poem, who is 'he' and who is 'she', is 'she' real at all?
'Who is the "he" she is going to tell? The boss? The guy in the next office? '
I hope you're not after a literal definitive answer! My own suspicion is that he might be a Jungian Psychotherapist
('inverted animus bonding with anima' is placed in speech marks to hint at this). But that might be too literal as well and I've already said way more than I wanted to.
Judging by the general lack of comments, maybe I need to clarify it more, pin down what it's saying rather than leaving it open... Trouble is, I rather like it as it is. |
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