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Man with a Can
By Katanga
13 July 2008
12.43 p.m. Sunday - this came about due to too many beers in the garden of my local. plus the fact that the sun has at last come out here in north London!

An attempt to lighten / brighten your weekends! (now, there's a singular / plural debate!?)

Just to be pretentious, am I taking the 'enjambement' too far?

Also, should I pop it in the 'For Kids' section? I made a mistake a few weeks ago by posting something too rude there, so any advice much appreciated!

Cheers!

John X



Man with a Can

The man in the moon
came down too soon,
and fancied a bite to eat,

but all that he found,
when he hit the ground,
was a pair of cheesy feet,

which belonged to a man
with a watering can
who hadn't washed for weeks!

He sprinkled the grass,
neglecting his ass,
and now he seldom speaks,

except to his friends,
on whom he depends
for butter, soap and honey,

but he's sold the soap
for a piece of ol' rope,
so now he has no money

to buy what he needs -
my heart simply bleeds -
his personal hygiene is dire!

I'll give you a penny,
if you don't have any,
to set his ass on fire!

Reviews

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 13th July 2008
Regards posting in For Kids section, probably not. It's not rude and I sound like a prude, but my daughter of 8 refers to the posterior region as bum or bottom, not ass, and some asshole is bound to say it promotes human suffering and ass related arson. 
 
As for enjambement, it's fine, I think, though again the sentences might be a bit long for a child to follow, but then, it has that nice ring of nonsense nursery rhyme which kids love learning. 
 
The lines are short and the rhythm tight so it doesn't have the usual effect of enjambement (- muting rhymes slightly and making it more conversational.) 
 
Having said that, you could make it even more of a feature by having the whole poem one long sentence. Just a thought.
Enjambement is
Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 13th July 2008
fine, Tolstoy. My opinion regards posting it in the childrens section is that it is nowhere rude enough! 
 
Rob's comment '...it doesn't have the usual effect of enjambement', though respecting his view, does not alter the fact that what you have achieved is enjambement and achieved it well (in my opinion enjambement should not break the flow of a poem, but enhance it). 
However I do agree with Rob regards the use of ass (but that's because it sounds too American - no offence, you lot, but both the author and this reviewer are Brits; well, almost, I'm Welsh, he's English but don't hold it against him!). You could only rhyme 'grass' with 'arse' if you were of higher 'class.'  
 
Cheers

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