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Poetry
Loneliness
By sam_duke
16 July 2008

A rare venture into poetry, for which I apologise if you find it lacking...


Behind the windows of the late-night bars

The stale old suits knock back their whiskey sours;
Tired eyes speed past in their hatchback cars

As the tramps drift by through the moonlight hours.

 

A light bulb flickers in the bleak high-rise

Where a worn-out clerk on his single bed

Collapses; he rubs his sore, bloodshot eyes,

Then shuts them tight, purging thought from his head.

 

For if he pains his solitary mind,

Then he might ask why lies he here alone,

Why he sleeps ev’ry frozen night confined,

Why he hears his unloved heart softly groan?

 

For loneliness is the cruellest plight;

An evil shade that stalks the starless night.

Reviews

Written by awakenedmind (48 comments posted) 16th July 2008
I'm learning on poetry myself so would prefer not to comment on that side but the storyline was good 
 
Michael
Rare Venture?
Written by Katanga (1129 comments posted) 16th July 2008
I like this venture and think you should venture more! 
 
A good sonnet, though it needs a little metrical tweaking. 
 
One quibble: l. 10 '... why lies he here alone,' 
 
I think ' . . . why he lies here alone,' would be better. 
 
Was it deliberate or a typo? 
 
Cheers! 
 
John

Written by Phil (6617 comments posted) 16th July 2008
With John on line 10 but I do like it. It builds a sense of place and emotion very well. 
 
Phil

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3285 comments posted) 16th July 2008
I have no idea how this matches up as poetry but it is a wonderfully vivid and atmospheric bit of writing. It put me in mind of that iconic painting by Edward Hopper. You really created pictures in the mind, here 
cheers 
jane

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