Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Those Looming Elephants
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1329 guests online and 8 members online
Poetry
Those Looming Elephants
By Talisker
16 July 2008
Working title I think.  Any suggestions?

I never thought an elephant would loom

before my eyes in each and every room

nor dreamt some day my weary heart would yearn

for just one room without a pachyderm

 

I made a secret plan to get some space

made clear the spare room bed to pack a case

two adults, dogs and luggage, one saloon

the elephants would surely find no room

 

But room they found, they did, they did, they did!

in every nook and cranny one was hid

the glove box, each door pocket, in the map,

a small one nestled snugly in my lap

 

Deep down I know I’ll never leave behind

those big grey beasts that dwell within my mind

one day they’ll find my bones but disregard

the mouse within the elephant’s graveyard

 

Oli 16/07/08

Reviews

Written by Lizzy (783 comments posted) 16th July 2008
Really like this! Very 'thought provoking'. 
The last verse is very good. 
I'm just wondering where my elephants are hiding. 
Can't think of another title, maybe Pachydermitis or is that too silly? 
Lizzy
Excellent!
Written by Katanga (1163 comments posted) 16th July 2008
Much enjoyed and very original - I like the title as it stands. Very eye-catching! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John

Written by Brett (731 comments posted) 16th July 2008
How about 'Packing Derms'? 
 
Enjoyable piece - somewhat Spike Milligan or Peter Cook. 
 
The only line I felt did not work was the first line of the third stanza - the repetition of 'they did' - but that's only my opinion on an otherwise fine poem. 
Cheers

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 16th July 2008
I liked the 'they did...' 
It underlines the contrast between adult worry/angst and childlike delivery. 
 
Phil

Written by Veronica_Milvus (595 comments posted) 17th July 2008
Reminds me of the joke about: 
 
how do you get two elephants in a Mini? 
One in the front and one in the back. 
 
how do you get two whales in a mini? 
along the M4 
 
I like the "they did, they did, they did!" 
 
Are there so many things that must not be spoken of? 
nice one 
 
V

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

Next item