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Poetry
The Spice of Life
By twriter
27 December 2005
This sagging little piece could do with a little help, so critism please...

The Spice of Life

 

Workman takes his overalls.

Changes and then sets about his

task of hard labour:

Working with iron.

Same day; same routine.

 

Workman removes his overalls.

Changes and then returns home to his

room where the screen sits

lonely as the same day closes.

 

Workman hears the phone ring.

 

Changes!

 

He hears the voice on the other end

Tells him that a drink is needed.

 

So as the seasoning falls

Life is spiced;

Boredom is no more.

Reviews
wordplay
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 27th December 2005
:grin Hi twriter, long time no hear! 8)  
 
I like theway you play with words (I try to do the same thing myself, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't!) 
 
The different stress (and complete change of meaning!) of "change/changes!" works for me, I don't think this needs as much "work" on it as you seem to think! 
 
Merry CHriostmas, all the best for 2006 :)
Loved it.
Written by kitten_princess (31 comments posted) 27th December 2005
This is my first comment I've made on a poem, so apologies if it is not useful. 
 
I liked the rhythm of the poem and, just like Bagheera, I liked the way "changes" changed its meaning. The slightly shorter stanzas worked for me too, I liked that. 
 
I just liked this poem! Good work! :)

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