My mother was full of pieces of interesting advice, some of which was plain wrong. It mostly involved health and sexual matters. I've written this in cheesy couplets to mimic the proverbial style of "A stitch in time saves nine" or "red sky at night, shepherd's delight", which is so annoyingly memorable. They are all her true sayings.
I think the biggest generation gap there's ever been was between those brought up with the Victorian values that were still extant pre World War II, and those brought up in the permissive society, not so long afterwards.
LIES MY MOTHER TOLD ME
If the wind should change, your face will stay like that.
You'll catch a cold unless you wear a hat.
You sit on that cold step and you'll get piles.
A decent girl won't wear those low-cut styles.
At "that time of the month" don't wash your hair.
And nice girls never touch themselves down there.
Men don't think that clever girls are fun;
to catch a clever man, you should act dumb.
Damaged goods will stay upon the shelf
you'll be forever lonely by yourself.
The worst thing that could happen in your life
is to become a mum but not a wife.
Let him bed you, and he'll turn and go.
When you meet the one to marry, you'll just know.
You'll learn one day, a mother just knows best;
take my advice, and don't believe the rest.
Some day you'll wish you'd listened more to me.
And sex ain't all that it's cracked up to be.
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Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 16th July 2008 | A veritable catalogue of drabness! A wonderful poem, V, your tongue-in-cheek delivery both amusing and cutting.
I hope that you think your poem has done it's job if I tell you that I think every line of advice to be utter pish!
And although not holding the philosophy of any line - I love that closing couplet - your trademark again!
Cheers | Apologies for the apostrophe!
Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 16th July 2008 | 'its job' - I meant. Waiting to go on the wagon is like waiting for a bus - unless you're a student or an oap it's going to cost you!
Cheers |
Written by Phil (7007 comments posted) 16th July 2008 | Enjoyed. It was more my grandmother than my mum who used to deal out the advice like this - though being a boy - i was much different. (fairly, or unfairly)
How things have changed.
Phil |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 16th July 2008 | How interesting! At least your mother tried to "educate" you on certain matters, Veronica. My mother who comes from a totally prudish culture, told me nothing about "birds and bees" other than, a smart wife makes her husband dumb.
My mother-in-law tried to "educate" me when I married her son. Then she gave up because I was too disobedient as I was brought up in Australia. She did tell me however, all men (husbands) become beasts when they turn 40. I have some time to prepare for that "eventuality".
My sister-in-law refused to wahs herself for two weeks after giving birth to her child, because her mother told her it would ruin her health forever.
I think what our mothers say or don't say tell us about their lives, and I'm so glad I was born in the latter half of the last century!
Mia  |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 17th July 2008 | Thanks all.
Brett: It was that last line that prompted me to write this. It was the saddest thing I'd ever heard her say, and of course I wasn't prepared to contradict her! All that sexual advice given out, without her really knowing what she was talking about.
And you worry me... what's this about going on the wagon? We would not recognise your poetry if you were sober!
Phil, Mia, that is the other aspect of this, how much things changed between, say, 1945 and 1975. I guess we are probably much better off in the modern world, but, for those younger than us, has complete sexual liberation trivialised the whole business? | Christmas Morning!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 17th July 2008 | Veronica, evry time a new work pops up by your good self, I open it like an eager child on Christmas morning.
Your work is of such a consistently high quality - unlike many of my own ill-considered outpourings!
Anyway, love the above.
There is one line of advice that strilkes me as not 'utter pish' - I once contracted (?) a severe case of piles from sitting for too long on wet concrete mending my motorbike. But perhaps that's more than you wish to know? Ha! Ha!
Last point, regarding your comment to Phil and Mia above, I am not convinced that those younger than us are in a state of 'complete sexual liberation'. If one looks beneath the surface, there's probably just as much repression, embarrassment, insecurity etc as there always has been, with a few exceptional eras. Seems to swing like a pendulum through the generations. Just a thought . . .
Cheers! Can't wait for the next, but I know you won't rush it!
John X |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 17th July 2008 | Really good piece Vron. I remember a few of those myself (though I agree with Katanga..I'm still wary about sitting on cold stone! Just in case.).
There's a lot of repression and narrow mindedness within some of them, but that was what had been handed down to them.
We live in an age when information on just about everything is readily available (getting more so, each day). The pre-media, pre-teenage, pre-pop generation put virtually all their trust in their elders. Whatever had been handed down, often as a saying or old wives tale, was often accepted.
I agree about the generation gap and I think it's probably at it's narrowest these days. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 17th July 2008 | Thanks Katie, you are too kind.
And to all of you who are worried about piles, never mind the stone steps, eat more fibre.
She also told me that if I shaved my legs, the hair would come back thicker. I think she got cthat onfused with pruning hedges. |
Written by fellpony (1752 comments posted) 20th July 2008 | A neat collection V, with a sad but very common tag line. I recognise a lot of these, too. My mother however abandoned the last line when she remarried 
My grandmother used to say sitting on wet grass gave you "chin cough" which I think must have been the Lancashire version of the Yorkshire term "kink-cough" for whooping cough. And my Dad used to say "men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses". Really unhelpful as I have worn the damn things since I was 11. |
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