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My Daughter's Pet Rock...backyard safari

By bobc

18 July 2008

Sometimes you need some guile. I'm trying to change this to a child's point of view. Any suggestions would be welcomed.

A long time ago, when my eldest was very young, I had my first encounter with the ferocious denizen of the great marketing jungle. The 'Pet Rock'. This monster was a voracious devourer of much needed family finances as well as a corrupter of fragile developing minds.
It was after the first day of kindergarden. Among the stories of teacher, classroom, new friends, bus rides, and such, was the story of a new friend that had brought his pet to school. 'Everyone knows you can't bring an animal to school' I said. 'It was his pet rock, Franky!' she insisted. A PET ROCK? I was floored. Yup, a beautiful rock named Franky! What kind of parents would do such a cruel thing?
As the weeks went by, my child would come home from a supposed excursion in education and beg, cry, and promise to take good care of a pet rock. And to lavish it with love.
Well, needless to say to anyone that has raised a child, she was relentless in her pursuit of the object of her desire, and I was the big, bad meanie that was thwarting her happiness. When I could no longer endure her anguish, I consented.
Being of moderate means at the time, I could not afford such a waste. And I refused to allow some guy that made much more money than I to use my innocent child to manipulate me into giving him my hard won cash. I managed to put her off for awhile with a bevy of plausible excuses. It was too rainy, too hot, too anything I could think of. If she gave me the look of shame and sadness, I would explain that I knew where the rocks lived and the best ones were migrating and would be here soon. Finally the day came when I had no more excuses and she wanted to know where they lived so she could catch one herself.
I put on my antique Aussie bush hat from the Boar wars and some kaki shorts and took her into the backyard. We crawled on our hands and knees around the car. We stealthily made our way around the garage to where the best and biggest rocks lived. She pointed out the one she wanted and I dove to capture it. I wrestled with it for a bit, then held it aloft in triumph. 'Got it, it's a beauty' I shouted. We put it in the bag we brought so it wouldn't escape, took it inside and gave it a good bath.
For 2 years she would show all that came to our house the pet rock she and her dad had caught. She would tell people that it was more valuable than the store bought ones since it had once been wild.
One day I came home from my shop and noticed the "PET" was not at it's usual perch next to the TV. When I inquired as to it's where abouts, she told me she had helped clean the house and put it in the closet with the rest of her toys. I asked 'Aren't you afraid it won't be able to breathe in there?''. 'Dad', she said, ' it's just a rock!'.
She was on her way to grown-up, and I missed the fun we had.

Reviews

Written by TwistedTales (544 comments posted) 18th July 2008

Umm, child's point of view, I think would make it more emotional, that it is now, which is a good thing. I need to see more, its too short if you ask me and too dry. There's so much more that you can do with this. First of all, fix the font, and no need to bold the words Pet and rock etc, if you want, you can italicize them. There are some typos that you need to fix, one right at the start, instead of a long, it reads, along.

So I need more heart to this to stir something in me. A child's POV will allow you to do that. But then the last line, also shows the anguish of a parent, which I like as well. So may be you could put that across as a dialogue in the end between the father and the child.

Or you could retain the POV that you have now till a point, switch to the the child's POV in the middle (the catching the rock part etc), then switch back to the adult POV in the end.

Of course, this is just a suggestion. Hope this helps.

Regards,
TT

Thanks TT
Written by bobc (49 comments posted) 18th July 2008

Made the corrections. Thanks also for the great advice.

Written by mia_ms_kim (950 comments posted) 18th July 2008

Enjoyed this a lot. What a delightful picture of a father and daughter, something I can relate to as a parent. It is satisfying as a wife and mother, to read about such a heart-warming father-child relationship.

This story worked for me as it was. I think you would lose something if you wrote this from a child's pov. The adult's reaction, perception, analysis, and solution etc to a child's world and the marketing machine that operates around it, is what makes this piece interesting, I think.

But as TT says, if you insert a child's pov somewhere in the middle, it might add something. Eg. catching the rock as TT says can be fleshed out - the child learns why catching a wild rock and taming it, is more exciting etc. (that was creative thinking!)

Anyway, this was a great read for me who deals with this kind of reality on a regular basis. I had no idea how much money was there to be generated by milking children until I became a mother!

Mia :grin

Written by 1211kellie (148 comments posted) 19th July 2008

What a lovely story. I especially like the bit where daddy and daughter are crawling around the backyard and the wild rock being more valuable than the shop bought one. I thought it was fine as it was.

Enjoyed

Kellie :grin

Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (95 comments posted) 19th July 2008

Hi bobc, I have no idea how it read before, but in its current form it is a fine example of:
Corporate manipulation of innocent minds.
The lengths parents will go to to appease innocent minds.
How fleeting is the life of an innocent mind.

My favourite lines were: I wrestled with it for a bit, then held it aloft in triumph. 'Got it, it's a beauty' I shouted - & - 'Dad', she said, ' it's just a rock!'. She was on her way to grown-up, and I missed the fun we had.

Good stuff, cheers,
Turk.

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