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Great Writing - Home > Extended > English Slacker chapter thirty-three
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Extended Work
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| English Slacker chapter thirty-three | |
| By chrismorton | ||||||
| 19 July 2008 | ||||||
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This is the final chapter from section IV What happened next is a bit weird. And to be honest I’m not one-hundred percent sure if it happened at all actually, but yeah, I’m gonna tell it as though it did. Basically, what went on was… well, I’d had the first joint with Tim and then three by myself and two with Colin and although the joints I was rolling weren’t that strong I was still feeling a bit strange. Like, how before Colin had appeared I guess I was pretty wasted but once he’d gone the feeling was more; well: fucked actually. So what I did was I rolled a fag and got up and started walking and yeah that was all right at first, but after a while I started to feel a bit messy. I wasn’t walking in a straight line and I’d turned my walkman on again and the music (I can’t remember what exactly) was sounding really quick and random and all over the place. Pretty soon I’d stopped and was lying down but when I closed my eyes my head was spinning, really fast around and around. Like when you used to go on a roundabout when you were a kid and go round and round for ages and then jump off and lie there and everything would still be moving. I sat up wondering what I could do to make myself feel better. Then I decided to roll another joint. So there I was going through the same routine, same amount of green stuff, same amount of tobacco, my rizla packet falling apart. I took in the first drag and it made me feel a little calmer. The second drag was even better. The third kinda made me feel a bit sick but it was still good. The fourth… Well anyway, it was around that point (at least the joint was still in my hand) when I noticed the fire on the beach in the distance. Not a big fire or anything. Like a camp-fire I suppose, if you know what I mean. And there was also the noise of music, a faint noise, and as I looked over to Bracksea I could make out the silhouettes of people around the fire and the muffled sound of voices and I remembered about the beach party and realised that of course that was what it was. So, as I said before, I’m not totally sure if this happened or not but as far as I’m concerned (at least as far as my memory goes) it did. I was lying on the beach and I knew the party had started and I really wanted to go but at the same time I kinda didn’t. It was like, in some ways I was happy with the idea of being at the party already but I sort of didn’t wanna walk up there by myself and think about who to go up to first and what to say, and also to answer questions of what I was doing coming along the beach from the direction of Skipton and what had I been doing with my day and why? I’m not sure though, maybe it was more than that. In some ways I didn’t even like the idea of being at the party at all. Like, what was the point? I wasn’t gonna enjoy it. Although at the same time I was in the mood for the party and it was probably the best place to be considering how wasted I was. But I dunno. Maybe it was seeing Colin. Maybe for some reason I was feeling pretty like aware for the first time in a while how alone I’d been feeling and the idea of suddenly not being alone and there in the middle of all those people, half of them who I probably wouldn’t even know, seemed like… thinking about it now maybe it was that I was feeling alone and that was just about okay but the possibility of feeling alone when I was surrounded by lots of people would’ve been worse. But I still sort of wanted to go to the party. I sat there wondering what to do and thought about rolling another joint but then made a cigarette instead. Then, and this is the weird part which is difficult to properly recollect… so I’m just gonna say that what I must’ve done is that I must’ve finished my cigarette, stood up, taken all my clothes off, walked down to the sea and waded in. I have this recollection of the feeling of it being really fucking cold at first but getting used to it gradually, but of course there’s always the chance that this could be a distorted memory ‘cause the sea is always like that when you go in. But I definitely remember (at least there’s an image in my mind) that when I first started swimming out it was an amazing feeling; like freedom or being free. And I remember swimming on my back for ages and looking up at the moon and the stars which were all totally clear and bright and it was an awesome view. So yeah, I swam, or at any rate I have this memory of swimming, out to see and then over in the direction of the beach party. The next thing which is really distinct in my mind is being opposite the party, still in the water, still naked but far enough out so no one knew I was there, and trying to make out who was who and I could hear Graz’s voice and Sereme’s and Charlotte was laughing and some people were shouting but I didn’t know who they were and as I watched for longer I could make out Duncan’s silhouette sitting with some other people around the fire and the rest of the people were sort of scattered around and I could see that some of them were drinking out of wine bottles, some out of cans (or at least the movement of their hands gave off this impression)… And music was playing and everyone was happy, with the lights of Bracksea behind them and the white cliffs reflecting the moon further on… So yeah, this is how I first saw the beach party. And it looked like fun. But the more I watched, the harder it was to imagine myself being a part of it.
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