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Finished hoovering, made coffee (not much milk left). Checked in freezer in forlorn hope of finding something quick for dinner, reached for veggie mince and recoiled in horror as severed finger rolled off shelf and dropped on floor between my feet. Summoned logic and realised only wax cast youngest daughter had made the night before.

Sitting down needed after nasty shock. Drank coffee, finished Guardian. Dinnertime getting closer so plonked veggie mince and tomatoes in pressure cooker for spag bol. Loved by all and only takes twenty minutes; made enough to feed small army.
Small army arrived home at 6.30pm, son, daughter, attendant girlfriend and boyfriend and lodger; a couple of mates shuffled in behind them. The mates hovered round sniffing like hungry puppies.

Doled mine, hubby's and youngest daughter's out and left the others to get theirs, adding instructions about washing up, getting reassurances that it would be done later.
Picked way through scatterings of grated cheese and blobs of bol sauce on kitchen floor to put school clothes into washing machine.
Washed up
Washed floor.
Put kettle on, no milk!
"Gaz used the last of it, we'll go and get some more after Buffy."
Gaz? I've never even seen a Gaz!
Made black coffee, sat down to join them in  Buffy vamp fest. They were having a discussion about George W and the war.. Turned TV up. They all stopped talking and looked at me.
"Sorry, thought you wanted to watch this. Oh look, Willow's doing a spell."

Army left on manoeuvres to bedroom. I watched Buffy on own. Felt a bit knackered as Christmas shopping all day. (Like they deserve it)
Did crossword in Guardian whilst keeping one eye on Eastenders.

Out to kitchen, take out school clothes, shove PE kit in wash.
Hassle twelve yr old about homework. She is on the net. Remind her to come off line when finished (peer over her shoulder in parental guidance mode) ok, children's BBC site. Mutter about Tracey Beaker game not being homework young lady.
Get her hunkered down over maths.

Tidy bedroom, sort out pile of clothes for ironing (dream on woman)
Send daughter to bed after homework, go downstairs, put kettle on, make tea, no milk! Shout at army and give marching orders.
"Ok, no need to shout, we were just going."
"Don't be long!"
Fall over pile of school jumpers I had chucked down the stairs earlier.
Doh! forgot to put them in with school clothes. Ah, did not switch machine on for PE kit. Turn it on, put kettle on in anticipation of imminent milk delivery.

Half an hour later make tea with sugar and lemon. No sugar in jar, empty packet in cupboard.
Make squash.
Go upstairs to PC for a bit while PE kit washes.
Kids return, minus army, at 10.30pm, no milk but they remembered I needed sugar.
They make me lemon tea.
I take PE kit out of washer, put jumpers in and discover have run out of washing powder. Squirt washing up liquid in with bit of fabric conditioner and hope for best.

Kids remind me it's mufti day tomorrow and they don't need uniforms or PE kit as they will be doing charity stuff.
Chase kids upstairs with mug of lemon tea in my hand, wailing and gnashing my teeth.
Wake youngest who demands squash.

Sulk and watch late film in room while playing solitaire on PC, over and over and over again.
Hear knock on bedroom door.
"Er, we need £1.00 each for mufti day tomorrow, and there's nothing for our packed lunches."

Grit teeth, affix silly grin, dole out mufti and dinner money.

"Night Mum, Love you loads."
Melt and crawl into bed knowing I am best mum in the world.