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Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 21st July 2008 |
Nice and twisted and dark. Lapped it like a dessert. Umm, although, I feel this will work much better as a TV script, than a short story. Regards, TT |
Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 21st July 2008 |
I think I get it. Timothy is incarcerated in an institute for the criminally insane? His Chi-form is able to escape and get into the head of Michael - who is an innocent guy. A great idea. Written with a real sense of menace. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 22nd July 2008 |
Thanks TT, 'almost' a good review! Perhaps it will be a TV script, perhaps a long(er) story, or perhaps it will be consigned to the recycle bin. Only time and Timothy can tell. All the best, Steve. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 22nd July 2008 |
Hello Puss, as I’m making this up as I go along, you probably ‘get it’ about as much as I do at the moment. However, the way I see it is thus: Timothy is a guinea pig in some government institute (although, at the moment, I have no idea why). It is the chi-form that is criminally insane, not Timothy (I don‘t think Timothy actually knows what goes on when he‘s asleep). It’s something to do with the experiments performed on Timothy that has released the chi (without sounding too presumptuous and pretentious, it’s a sort of modern Sci-fi take on Jekyll and Hyde - or at least I think it might be. Who knows?) All the best, as ever, Steve. |
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 22nd July 2008 |
I am sorry, almost? Did you expect a two page congratulatory note? Regards, TT |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 22nd July 2008 |
Only two pages? Oh go on then, you write the first page and I'll write the second. |
Written by Emmuttmax (203 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 |
Although my congratulatory not will not approach two pages, it doesn't need to. The concept is strong--as are most of your ideas. What sets your work apart is the quality of the writing and inventive use of the language. I think this piece stands on its own. The only crit I have is the time shift line; for me, it moves the story into a script format. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 |
Thanks, again, Emmuttmax (I really must get around to reviewing some of your work. I've read loads! But hey, you know you're good). With reference to the style, I've been reading a lot of graphic novels of late (Watchmen, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Heckler, etc) so perhaps it's rubbing off on me(?). Thanks again, all the best, Steve. Is it Emmutt, or Max, or Emmuttmax? |
Written by Phil (7007 comments posted) 24th July 2008 |
Strong piece, Steve. Second half more so than the first. Not for the first time this week, I'll say there are echoes of King in this. The (apparent) ease by which you slip into the surreally real works well. I've had ideas where I've wanted to pull this off myself (oooer!) but it always seems clumsy. Good stuff. Phil |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 24th July 2008 |
Thanks Phil, far from easy, I can assure you. 5-6 evenings on two short(ish) sections! But then I like to spend time getting it as tight as my limited ability can manage. All the best, Steve. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 27th July 2008 |
"the vortex in your cortex" exellently spooky |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 27th July 2008 |
Thanks for popping over, Veronica. Trust you to pick out a rhyme as your favourite passage! All the best, Steve.
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Written by Olly_Williams (11 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
Very very dark, quite jumpy in places, looking forward to reading the next lot. Olly |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
Thanks Olly. I’m still working on this, but am pleased that you enjoyed it its original rough form. All the best, Steve.
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Written by cfergus30 (16 comments posted) 15th August 2008 |
What a nasty piece of work (the text, not you silly) I think if I could inhabit someone else's body without them knowing I'd get up to a bit more mischief than cold blooded murder, but then again I'm not Timmy, the crude little so and so. Your writting style leaves me with a dark feeling, intended I'm sure. Definitely more to write here.
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Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 15th August 2008 |
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I have definitely written more; in fact there are another three chapters posted above, although it's on a backburner for the moment while I work on a few other things. As it is I've already written the closing chapter for Puppets but haven't yet worked out how to get there; or, indeed, how long it should take to get there. Decisions, desicions. All the best, Steve. |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 31st August 2008 |
| Short, but well delivered and it already poses the question which of the two situations is reality or perhaps if both or neither are. first sentence somehow worked brilliantly. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 7th September 2008 |
Thank you Maus. All the best, Steve. |
Interesting Written by zee666 (51 comments posted) 1st October 2008 |
INtersting, short, the guys swears too much. I see little worth mentioning here, it was good, if a bit reliant on swearing, and very blunt, but not in a good way. It was greater than the sum of it's parts suffice to say. As, disected, it was cliche, amateur and downright crap, but when put together it had a charm and the semi-sophisticated writing style helped balance the dialogue. On-off-on-off, really, was that intentional? If so, it needs to be changed. Z |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 1st October 2008 |
Zee for zero. I can think of only one thing worse than having a petulant child as a stalker… Mm, no, actually I can’t. As your beautifully crafted and oh so eloquent review seems to be in the minority I shall simply choose to ignore both it and you.
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Written by zee666 (51 comments posted) 1st October 2008 |
Your competence is astounding, using the same response for two REVIEWS, wow, and i was here expecting you to say 'Ug!', you should be proud. Oh and 'zee for zero', and i'm the child, seriously i think you have some issues you need to work out. |
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 2nd October 2008 |
Just found this; and I have to say that the review section, as ever, is almost as interesting as piece itself. To comment on chapter one seems odd but as I haven't read the rest yet... Very strong imagery and very dark. What is not said is as effective as what is said. I look forward to seeing where this may go. I really enjoyed the last paragraph. However, not a criticism so much as a question. Why set it in the future? It may have even more power if it were set in the present. Also astral projection may be more readily recognised by most readers than chi-form. Just a thought. Nice bitchy reviews by the way. You do like to attract them if you can. Cheers Wltshr |
Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (224 comments posted) 2nd October 2008 |
My review is... 'Ug!' Sorry, I just couldn't resist it.
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Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 2nd October 2008 |
Turquiose... Ug, Ug! Don't apologise and don't ever resist an UrGe. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 2nd October 2008 |
Hello Tony, nice of you to drop in again. Q: Why set it in the future? A: It’s all a bit non-linear and encompasses past, present and future (I think(?)). ‘Also astral projection may be more readily recognised by most readers than chi-form.’ I wanted my monster to have a name (albeit an unrecognised name). after all, Vampire/Dracula is so much more engaging than ‘Gaunt bloke with fangs’ don’t you think? ‘Nice bitchy reviews by the way. You do like to attract them if you can.’ Yes, half the fun of these sites is turning over a stone to see what lurks beneath. All the best, Steve.
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