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Poetry
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Shag Pile
By JourneyAtNight
21 July 2008

A haiku - intended to be lighthearted. Inspired by my rug.


Eyes closed, cheek indulged

Legs outstretched and toes consoled -

Soft and wooly bliss.

Reviews
Your haiku...
Written by amsford (17 comments posted) 21st July 2008
...is definitely evocative time spent lying on a shag carpet! 
 
I like your powerful verbs... (indulged, consoled) but (and this is only meant to be constructive)... maybe you could stretch a bit on your other verbs? "Closed" and "outstretched" are sort of the expected verbs to go with eyes and legs. I think this piece could go deeper if you search for a more unexpected verb to go with those nouns. And by the same token the word "Soft" seems safe as well... though I VERY much like the sound of "wooly bliss" 
 
Again, this is only meant to be constructive! :)
Senryu
Written by fellpony (1752 comments posted) 22nd July 2008
That's a big rug! very snuggly. 
 
This is senryu rather than haiku, amsford. I don't think shag pile rugs are part of the outdoor world of nature that haiku focus on :)
True that, fellpony...
Written by amsford (17 comments posted) 22nd July 2008
...haiku does indeed focus on nature, or the seasons. 
 
I was simply following JourneyAtNight's lead in calling it haiku (in the lead-in).

Written by JourneyAtNight (318 comments posted) 23rd July 2008
Thanks to you both for your comments.. 
 
and thanks fellpony for correcting me. I had a feeling it wasn't a haiku, but I didn't know the correct term so thought I'd chance it - looks like I was caught out! 
 
E

Written by Phil (7007 comments posted) 23rd July 2008
Liked this very much. First senryu/haiku I've read with such a strong rhythm. 
 
Phil 

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