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Shorts
Empty Shell
By TallulahBelle
22 July 2008

A young British girl in Accra thinks she has got to know the 'real Africa', until she meets Kweku...

This is a very short piece and I am wondering whether it works best like this, or whether I should try and flesh it out.


I only had one love affair before I left Africa and it was touchingly brief. My parents were sending me to Harringdale Girls boarding school in London and I had no idea what I was going to do about it. I think perhaps my mother, in particular, despaired of me. In Accra I attended the International School, but I found that the other students – sons and daughters of diplomats and directors – were somehow oblivious of Africa, the snakes and the dust and the hunger. I didn’t make many friends there. Instead I spent my free time with Mercy, the daughter of our maid, and her crowd from the local school in Community 10. When my mother sent me to buy bread from the French supermarket, I would take a detour to the market and return several hours later, maybe with a bag of gari, or some plantain. I cut my hair close to my skull like the local girls and wore dresses made from kente cloth. I overheard my parents whispering like the crickets - it was time for me to leave Africa. 


I was at a party when I met Kweku. Mercy and Charity and June were dressed up in colourful trousersuits and wore sticky red lipstick. Mercy pointed Kweku out to me on the dancefloor. ‘He’s new, just arrived from the villages in the North.’ I looked at his hard farmer’s body, bopping to the beat. His friend said something and he threw back his head and laughed, his white, even teeth flashing in the darkness.


Kweku turned the empty snail shell over in his fingers and the brown speckles on it caught the light and winked at me. Then he spun it on the ground like a top. I was surprised. ‘I didn’t know you could do that with shells,’ I said. ‘Really? But everyone does it in the villages’.  

We were walking down the dusty road to the market. I wanted to find some string to loop my shell onto and Kweku was hungry. He had sold some of his snails and was going to buy a goat’s liver. The sun made the sweat trickle down my neck and made Kweku’s hand slippery in mine. Suddenly I felt a jolt, someone shoved me hard on the shoulder and then my bag was gone. A rough-looking skinny boy was running away with it down the street. ‘Thief!’ someone yelled and then Kweku was pounding after him. I was frozen to the spot, but the thief didn’t get very far, before Kweku’s quick pace caught up to him and a punch to the head floored him. Oh good, I remember thinking, now I’ll get my bag back and I can still buy my string.

But then I saw the crowd was closing in, as though a show was about to start. And Kweku, punching him again. The skinny thief was sprawled on the ground now, his glazed eyes rolling back in hollow sockets, my handbag forgotten in the dust. Another man joined the brawl and another, and another. Women were screaming, but I couldn’t tell if they were cheering or wailing. I stepped forward, but it was already over. Kweku pushed his way out of the circle and came back to me, his face dusty now, a small cut above his right eyebrow. He held something white in his hand, which he held out to me. My bag, a few drops of blood on the strap, but otherwise untouched. I didn’t move.

‘Kweku,’ I began, then stopped. People were walking away now, the thief seeming to sink into the dusty street. ‘Kweku, there were only a few cedis in my purse’. He looked at me quizzically, then back at the dead man. He shrugged. ‘We do not tolerate thieves here,’ he said simply, holding out the soiled bag again. ‘I don’t want it,’ I said. I couldn’t touch it, I couldn’t even look at it. Kweku seemed more puzzled than offended. ‘I got it back for you.’

I turned back the way we’d come. ‘Goodbye, Kweku,’ I said.

I knew I would never see him again. I was going to go to London after all and suddenly I couldn’t wait.

Reviews

Written by Leigh (254 comments posted) 22nd July 2008
Nice colourful piece. You paint a vivid picture in a few words, though it may work better as the beginning of a longer story/novel. I like the title and its double meaning. 
 
Could do perhaps with an explanation of some of the native terms, e.g. gari, cedis, plantain.

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 22nd July 2008
I like it very much. Definitely a longer piece. There's a whole lot of things you can do with this. Tons of scope for a backstory. Agree with Leigh on the native terms. Maybe you could just tell us what they mean in your introduction. Though from the context, I thought that Cedis means the local currency?  
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by TallulahBelle (13 comments posted) 22nd July 2008
Thanks, Leigh. 
 
I'm glad you liked the title and I think I am going to try and turn it into a longer piece. I was hoping that the context would show that gari is a type of food, cedis is a type of money, etc, but I will see if I can make this clearer. 
 
Kind regards, 
Omma

Written by TallulahBelle (13 comments posted) 22nd July 2008
Thanks, TT. 
 
I'm glad you enjoyed it and think it has potential. You are right about cedis being the local currency (of Ghana!). 
 
Kind regards, 
Omma
Good tale
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 23rd July 2008
I think you tell a good tale. You set the scene and established the character very well. And you have a good writing style, which concentrates on narrative. 
There did seem to be a few gaps in the story. I think it could be fleshed out a bit. I was interested to know a bit more about her, 
After the part about the shells we jump to the main incident. We don’t know how closely they have bonded. 
The killing of the thief came a shock. It was such an overreaction. Didn’t she get to know this psychotic side of him before? And her reaction to the killing seemed muted. Can you just kill someone and walk away with no repercussions?. If so I’m not surprised she wanted to leave Africa as soon as possible! 
cheers 
jane 

Written by TallulahBelle (13 comments posted) 23rd July 2008
Thanks, Jane. 
 
I think you're right that it needs to be fleshed out - I was hoping that the jumps would help speed up the story, but I think I overdid it! And I agree that we do need to know how closely they've bonded, otherwise there's not going to be as much reader interest in the outcome. 
 
I'm also glad you picked up on that last bit, as it's the crux of the whole story for me. The point is that, what is considered psychotic in one culture might be perfectly acceptable in another. She thought she was fully engrossed in African life, but she found out she was not. So, in a way, it's meant to be shocking, but I don't want her reaction to be muted, so I will need to work on that. 
 
Thanks for your helpful commentary, 
Omma

Written by Emmuttmax (203 comments posted) 23rd July 2008
You have a gift for writing a good story, lots of color, credible characters, and a good sense of pacing. I look forward to more of your work.

Written by TallulahBelle (13 comments posted) 23rd July 2008
Hi Emmuttmax, 
 
Thanks very much for this, very encouraging comments! 
 
Kind regards, 
Omma

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