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By patterjack
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23 July 2008 |
Comparisons, in this family, are always termed odorous as part of a long standing joke. The phrase was used yesterday, and as a stress relief from other material, this was scribbled.
Comparisons are odorous
- Comparisons , it is oft declared , are odorous,
- and to such a concept I would indeed agree;
- the trouble is, I find the process onerous
- when the comparisons she makes are made about me .
- She does not compare me to a summer's day,
- nor to a knight in bright and shining armour,
- nor to apples and flagons to comfort her and stay
- her hunger for a much more handsome charmer.
- Oh no, instead she satisfies her whimsy
- with metaphors and terms to smells synonymous
- and with such a sleight of word inept and clumsy
- transmogrifies each statement to a phrase malodorous .
-
- (Could one really call a stinkwort a kind of flower?
- If that's the case, I suppose I had better shower.)
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Fantastic!
Written by amsford (17 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 | I like the Shakespearean sonnet-like rhyme and the jaunty non-standard meter.
And I was thrilled to see the "Comparisons are odious" reference... it's my favorite piece of advice that I have ever received, so it was great to see a poem built around it! 
Other favorite things... "transmogrifies each statement to a phrase malodorous" and "stay her hunger for a much more handsome charmer"
One thing... though it may be intentional that "she" is always saying "Comparisons are odious." (even though she is clearly the one making all the comparisons)... it is a little jarring for the reader (I had to go back and re-read the first line in the middle to make sure that I hadn't misread the beginning. Maybe "she" could first appear in the fourth line, and the first line could be changed to something like "Comparisons, it is oft declared, are odious"...
Thanks for a great ride through this piece, though! |
Written by Josie (2849 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 | Helleborus foetidus (Stinking hellebore, Bear's foot, Dungwort, Stinkwort) - I looked up this plant as I wondered whether we had it in Britain, but I see that it is the Helleborus, with dark leaves and is quite a lovely plant and one which I have in my garden.. What an awful name!! Well done patterjack. We all make comparisons: In our house these are them: His mother murdered vegetables but was a dab hand at fattening puddings, ie suet puddings, which I don't make. I, on the other hand, don't murder vegetables but can make a good apple crumble. Comparisons? Yes, we all make them all the time. "transmogrifies each statement to a phrase malodorous" - - - - - goodness! You have left me lost for words for once! ha ha .
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 | I love poems that subtlety play with words and it is so right to use this form as Shakespeare used to do that to. I'm sure he would approved of this one. The rhyming was cheeky but also clever. It comes across as a bit of throwaway humour but there is so much more to it. It's one of those poems that you appreciate more each time your read it It's accessible enough to be enjoyed and brilliant enough to be admired. That's a really clever trick
cheers
jane |
Written by Phil (7003 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 | The casual cruelty of closeness!
With Jane on this one, Brian. Cheeky and clever.
Enjoyed.
Phil | Excellent suggestion
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 | Thank you amsford
The she in the verse is of course my wife, with whom this minor piece of badinage has been going on for about 60 years, and it was her re-use of it the other day that brought on the sonnet.
I agree with your amendment , to make the point clearer . I shall change the line .
Did you get the Biblical reference ? slightly hidden by the enjambement?
Thanks for a happy review !
patterjack
| Stinkwort and stinkhorn
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 | Australia has several kinds of stinkwort, Josie
I used it in the verse as an alternative to stinkhorn , which is in fact what I had in mind , but as it is a member of the family phallaceae..............
patterjack | Biblical reference...
Written by amsford (17 comments posted) 23rd July 2008 | Ahhh... yes! "stay me with apples and flagons of wine"!
I nearly missed it (but I do so love clever word play that you can pick up on a later read!) Nicely done!
And I'm glad that you liked my suggestion. I think it flows much better as well.
Cheers!
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