|
By Cameron
|
|
01 April 2005 |
Lyrics. About my girlfriend. Distracted by my thoughts,
Constantly turning to you,
Never fading,
My heart is true, I love you always,
Like the sun must rise,
Holding you close,
I could fly to the skies, Not being with you,
I feel heavy with pain,
Too far away,
Tears like rain, Distracted by my thoughts,
Constantly turning to you,
Never fading,
My heart is true, |
Written by spiderbaby49 (137 comments posted) 3rd April 2005 | Sweet. Have you put this to music yet? I was trying to write a song earlier this evening. I got the chords and tune but the only lyric I could come up with was
"I want to go with Doctor Who.
Spin into infinity
Crash a moon or two"
Sad or what?
spidey |
Written by nicknack28 (3 comments posted) 18th March 2008 | It is a true-toned poem without trying too hard to get the readers' attention, and I can see it working nicely as lyrics since songs don't necessarily have to be obscurely deep to be appealing.
There a couple things I thought I would recommend though. The first is simple punctuation. It would make more sense to either use more indicative pauses with periods, semicolons, hyphens, and whatnot to make it punctuated as a poem, or to take out all punctuation completely to fit a song.
The other thing I thought to mention was keeping the amount of syllables in each line consistent per verse. For example, each first line have the same amount, all the second lines have equal amounts, etc. This puts it into a rhythm and prevents choppiness.
Other than that it's innocent and communicates infatuation well. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
