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Science Fiction and Fantasy
Shadow Puppets: 2nd Performance (Warning - avant-garde; no swearing)
By stevetroster
24 July 2008


Unless you class 'wanker' as a swear word.
You have been warned, again.  

 



Trapped inside a goldfish bowl, sound asleep, Timothy swims in a fantasy where effervescent colours prance to a villanella. The dream is amniotic fluid, warm and embracing.
   “Sleep, Timothy, sleep.”
   Perforating the rhythm of remote heartbeats, alien voices bleed across his slumbering consciousness. The voices are umbilical cords, nourishing and nurturing, bringing with them a sense of well-being.
   “How do you feel, Timothy?”
   “I feel a bit depressed. I guess… I guess I feel like another person. It really gets me down sometimes.”
   “Stay focused, Timothy. Nervous reactions create additional fractions. Do you know who we are, Timothy?”
   “No.”
   “Do you know who you are, Timothy.”
   “No.”
   “You are us, Timothy. You are us and we are you.”


   With casual indifference, a suit and a white coat scrutinize an image on an LCD monitor.
   The Armani glances at his Cartier. ‘What dosage have you got him on?’
   ‘Seven hundred and fifty milligrams.’
   ‘Per hour!’
   The white coat fingers stubble. ‘We can’t afford to take any more chances. It’s late, I need to -’
   ‘And my associates and I cannot afford to lose another of your little guinea pigs. Are you certain that -”
   ‘We’ve learnt much from our previous “glitches”. Have faith, Alexander. Young Timothy is going to make us famous.’
   ‘I don’t care for fame, I just want the little wanker to make me extremely wealthy.’
   ‘Aren’t you -”
   ‘You can never have too much money, my dear professor. Never too much.”


   Hovering above a bed in a squalid motel, Timothy surveys the scene with incredulity. Below him lies the ashen cadaver of a young woman, her dead eyes staring through his spectral frame as if searching for some mote cast adrift in the sea of infinity. His gaze follows a desiccated trail of blood that had sprung like a stream from between the woman’s lips, a sinister rivulet tracing the valley between blossoming breasts to pool about her navel. Bespattered with her viscous red discharge, the bed sheet resembles a Rorschach test. Timothy studies the pattern, an image forming in his mind. “Mother,” he whispers and closes his eyes. He screams.


      (We Travel A Short Distance Across The City Using Aerial Stop-motion Images)


   A lock of light yellow hair, grasped in a pale fist.
   “Evidence, Michael. Break her hand.”
   The sound of a dead finger wrenched from its socket momentarily transports Michael to a happier time from days long past, a time when he sat before a Yule fire with his family.
   “The Filth could arrive any time soon.”
   Michael recalls walnuts in a nutcracker. The sound is a nauseating.
   “No time to dally, Michael.”
   His stomach bilious and filled with revulsion, the albino collapses onto the cold linoleum floor.
   “On your feet, Michael. You could be the last of our kind still roaming free. It wouldn’t do to allow yourself to be caught and banged up in that nasty zoo. You’re born to be wild, Michael, born to be wild. We’ll have such wild times together, you and I.”


      (Time-lapse View Of The City At Night - Played In Reverse)


   Trapped inside a goldfish bowl, fast asleep, Timothy drowns in a nightmare where villainous colours dance to a funeral dirge. The air is a rancid miasma, thick and clawing.

   Hovering above a bed in yet another squalid motel, his stomach tight with a sense of déjà vu, Timothy surveys a scene of savagery. Below him lies the ashen cadaver of a young woman. There are black holes where her dead eyes should be and her cold lips have been bound with black insulating tape. Fragments of her short life flash before his eyes.
   LONELINESS - MOTHER - RAPE - STEPFATHER - FEAR.
   Desperate to tear himself away from the scene, Timothy imagines himself as a leaf tumbling on a breeze.
   HUNGER - PIMP - TRAUMA - DEALER - CRAMPS - CLIENT - MURDER.
   Timothy’s eyes are drawn back to a bed sheet bespattered with the woman’s blood. He studies the pattern. “Father,” he screams, and all the lights come on.
   “Do you know who your father was, Timothy?”
   “No.”
   “How about your mother?”
   “No.”
   “Do you know who I am, Timothy?”
   “Yes. You’re me.”
   “And I am you.”
   “And-and we-we are-are you-you and-and you-you are-are us-us.”
   “Where am I?”

 


 

Reviews

Written by Phil (7007 comments posted) 24th July 2008
Wasn't sure if this was a rewrite or a continuation. Whatever, glad you're still with this as I reckon it has legs. 
 
Negatives first: 
“I feel a bit depressed. I guess… I guess I feel like another person. It really gets me down sometimes.” 
Seems far too passive. While I understand he is being manipulated by others, for a main character, it just doesn't show enough....spunk. 
Pert breasts - lovely though they are, a more than well worn phrase. 
 
The dialogue in the second half of the first was very dynamic. This was a little tamer, but then that will suit some readers. I liked the contrast of the two POVs.  
 
There's something about this and the last I really like. It feels like the beginning of something intriguing and exciting. Most shorts stand alone and you're glad just to get to the end. These are begging for more development. I'd read more. 
 
Phil 
 

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 24th July 2008
Hello Phil, I obviously need to do a bit more work on this, don't I? 
"I feel a bit depressed..." Tim has no spunk, the idea is that he is heavily sedated and living in a controlled environment, and the chat is with his inner self. Hence, he is not angry, it is more like a cosy chat with a psychiatrist. If you want spunk, you have to look to his chi-form. Anyway, I've added an extra line that might help explain why his voice is a bit tame. 
Pert has gone. 
Thanks, as always, for your time and considered critique. 
 
All the best, 
Steve.

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 25th July 2008
Full of energy, like all your writing. Did you have to make Michael an albino? It's a bit shades of the Davinci Code. 
Have you finished JC? 

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 26th July 2008
I think this is probably the most accessible thing you have written. OK I had to read it slowly but I was able to follow it. A little more context in the description might help orientate the reader.There is the intriguing hint of a plot to come. Ibn fact all the ingredients are there for a good story. 
I didn't think the camera directions worked; they only served to pull the reader out of the story, but that could be just me 
cheers 
jane

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 26th July 2008
Dear Puss, as always, thanks for the read and comment. 
However, you’ve really messed things up for me, because in the next chapter I was going to introduce a black character, but now I’m worried that it might draw comparisons to Shaft. 
Yes, albinism is central to the story. But don’t worry, he’s not an albino monk. 
 
JC (HA), yes, it’s finished but no takers, yet. 
 
All the best, 
Steve.

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 26th July 2008
Dear Jane, thanks for reading and commenting. 
I’m pleased that you found this story accessible, but I never realised that my other works were so difficult. 
For the next chapter, I shall leave out the camera directions (that, of course, will ultimately be the responsibility of the director) and concentrate on writing hard to line. 
I’m glad that you found the hint of a plot, could you please let me know what it is, as, at the moment, I haven’t got the foggiest. 
 
All the best, 
Steve. 

Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 26th July 2008
Hey Steve, 
 
I love the way this is written - very descriptive and imaginative.  
 
I hope you plan to continue with it. 
 
Nick

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 26th July 2008
Thanks Nick, glad you're still with me on this. 
The 3rd course has been served, hope you like that one as well. 
 
All the best, 
Steve.

Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 31st August 2008
Seems it's becoming less scifi and more concrete here. Unless of course you're putting the reader on the wrong track. Interesting.

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 7th September 2008
Thank you (again) Maus.  
 
All the best (again),  
Steve.
Hmmm...
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 2nd October 2008
I'll let you know more when I've read more. 
 
Difficult to comment constructively on a fragment.
Hmmm...
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 2nd October 2008
I'll let you know more when I've read more. 
 
Difficult to comment constructively on a fragment.

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 2nd October 2008
 
Hello hello Tony Tony, again again. 
 
I’ll get back to you with a reply when you’ve read more. 
I’ll get back to you with a reply when you’ve read more. 
 
All the best, 
All the best, 
Steve. 
Steve. 
 

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