This is about the way I see the world now and how we sometimes ask questions, like why...
Is paradise really lost?
Hearts and minds infected with the evil frost.
The T.V is pointless, repeatedly fuelling our anger.
Putting another human being in constant danger.
Obsessed, with worthless material possessions.
Obesity is what spreads through the nations.
It’s like a plaque or catastrophic disease.
Our bodies from now on will never be at ease.
Is paradise really gone?
Prejudice, racist, but we all forget were we come from.
As we all are foreigners in this multi cultural society.
So to the new people, we should accept them into the country.
Forgetting, continuously how it feels to give.
But if we do, we have an alternative motive.
Why can’t we just provide food for the hungry?
And medicine, so that the poverty stricken counties can feel free.
Will paradise disappear?
People can’t walk at night, without feeling fear.
Terrified there face will be on the news.
As a victim of a stabbing by a gang or a crew.
Occasionally, we all can feel deeply joyful.
But this changes because of a reincarnated version of the devil.
Someone who wants to see this world burn.
But evil these days are considered cool and modern.
Has paradise just left?
So paranoid, we accuse our own family of theft.
Sometimes this turns out to be true.
They see the culprit drowning, but refuse to rescue.
Fighting, inner battles of good and bad.
This is one of many things that convert us and make us mad.
Afterwards we struggle, even just to cope.
Throwing out your love, happiness and most importantly hope.
Is paradise really missing?
To save us all, we have to think about the blessings.
Things that make this world truly beautiful.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, which makes us hopeful.
Fire, is blazing in the open.
Representing those who are extremely rotten.
Acting as if they are kind people.
Two faced people can be lethal.
Has paradise gone forever?
People locked for twenty years in a cellar.
Others dying for pointless reasons.
But the reality is that the problems still worsen.
Execution orphans in the heart of china.
This is why I want to believe in karma.
Because if we want hell, then hell is what we will get.
No matter how many millions or billions of people it will upset.
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Written by Robru (272 comments posted) 24th July 2008 |
| I agree whole heartedly with your sentiments here, but its a bit too long. I think the length lessens the impact. Hell, there is no hell in my religion, only the hell we make for ourselves. |
Written by Josie (2849 comments posted) 25th July 2008 |
| What a miserable poem for a bright summer's day! I only read part of it because it mad me feel depressed. No, I don't think Paradise is lost at all. If we were to fill our news up with all the good things that are going on in the world, you would be pleasantly surprised how extraordinarily kind people are to each other, and generous too. I can't speak for other parts of the world, but I do speak for many people here in Britain. You ask if Paradise is lost, but you only show one side of the story. Why not try a balanced poem, showing both sides? |
twas good Written by Hellcat (63 comments posted) 25th July 2008 |
Hey, liked it. Robru is right about the length though - needs to be a wee bit shorten if ye wanna make the impact greater. Maybe ye could do another poem showing the other side of things but I like this one's subject matter fine. We can't all wear rose-tinted glasses when we look at the world. And I think Paradise is lost but I don't think it's a lost cause. There's still hope as long as there's still folk out there that recognise the world for what it is. The question is, are ye prepared to do something about it? |
Written by ParadiseLost (7 comments posted) 25th July 2008 |
I agree with you all. And thanks for the feedback. I was just re-reading it, and I thought it dragged on abit. There is good out there, I must admit. But sometimes the bad things over whelms and casts a shadow on the good in the world. But I do like the idea of writing another poem, to balance out the good and bad. I think that Paradise is lost for now, and it will take a few strong minded, good people to rediscover it, and light it up for the world to see. Is Paradise Lost? We will have to see...  |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
| Hm yes, it's Hell out there... Or Heaven, depending on where you look. As for the poem; You did use some nice metaphors, but unfortunately also some cliches; So get rid of the cliches and keep your nice inventions, fix the rhymes a little and there's a nice but gloomy poem... |
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