READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 828 guests online and 2 members online
Poetry
Waiting
By Clytemnestra
26 July 2008

How long do we wait for true love to come to our door?
Maybe the love we look for is right here,
Within our soul.




Silently,
she looks through the small cobwebbed window.
Waiting and wishing as each day goes by.
The once beautiful garden she looks upon
rests overgrown and grey,
Life does not exist where love is at bay.
The building she sits within
lies decrepit and old,
The walls do speak of tales long told.
Tears flow like a waterfall,
never ending;
Down her pale wrinkled cheeks.
Though her body is gone
her soul still seeks,
Waiting and wishing to see once more,
Her one true love standing at the door.

Reviews
Age
Written by fellpony (1699 comments posted) 26th July 2008
It took me several reads to find the age of the character within the poem. I thought initially of someone like Rapunzel, still young.  
 
Language - I'd avoid "do" (does look, do speak) and "betwixt" as poeticisms ("shards" is another, apparently, so be forewarned and all that). 
 
I think the subject matter's worthwhile but I feel you could dig more deeply and be more specific and give us a much more striking picture. While an old woman may indeed weep over lack of love, she is also likely to have gained enough self possession and dignity to control the tears. Tell us why this one does not.
Re: Age
Written by Clytemnestra (1 comments posted) 26th July 2008
Thank you for your fair and honest critique. 
 
The idea was that true love never dies - but I didn't want to dress it up and make it something it was not. The fact that it was an older person yearning and not a younger speaks that age makes no difference where the heart is concerned. Many people carry sorrow to the grave, and this was the need for her true love - the pain of that never goes away, even as time and death takes over. This woman had, and could never move on, so tears were her only way for release. So until she could see once more the soul of her love, she would continue to cry.  
 
She was young when her love left her, but time doesn't stand still when you are lost in your own sorrow. This was reflected in the derelict building and garden.  
 
Thanks for the heads up with the grammar, I'll take it on board.  
:)

Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 26th July 2008
I take it that this lady is a widow who has lost her husband? That must take some getting over, but although I am not in that position, I have seen others react in different ways when this has happened. One has lost interest in everything - the garden too, like the lady in your poem - and he shuffles along in a world of his own. Another one has grieved, but has taken herself out of her home and put a lot of good work into the community around her, and has thus received a lot of love back. If you have love within you, you can give it to others and in return get love back from them. In other words, eventually move on.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item