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Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
Astral Weeks! Van the Man! A worthy companion in insomnia. I thought "legends of such fragrant flesh" was a lovely line, and also "sighing through her buried dreams" - I never would have thought of using the word "buried" there but it works very well.
At least she doesn't snore. Hope you get time for an afternoon nap. |
Written by Robru (272 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
I had to think about this one. [thinking] it hits the spot,bang on.
Weight upon my fatigued eyes - yep; haunted owls amid their hunt - yep; Sweet the sound of her soft breath - yep; sighing through her buried dreams - yep: Why should she sleep so peacefully while I am awake? I like it.
Bob |
An Astral Plane . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
. . . is what this seems written on. Brilliant - every line a killer, so I won't quote the whole poem!
This is the trouble with being on holiday, Brett - luxurious lie-ins in the morning, then tormented sleepless nights . . . Unless it's the fever of poetic frenzy that keeps you up? Ha! Ha!
An extra bottle of red usually does the trick for me . . .
Anyway, much appreciated!
Cheers!
John |
Thanks. Shite though I think this is.
Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
V - Yes Van the man! But, she does snore - like a chainsaw - I thought it may ruin the piece if I depicted that. In the lady's defence she does say that I, in my sleep, flail about like a pig on a spit! Rising like Spencer's 'Sea Shouldering Whale.'
Bob - Thank you for such kind words and taking time to interpret such a dire piece of writing.
John - You're wrong - no astral plane. It's rubbish. I think I need a bottle of red.
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Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
| Nice poem. It doesn't rhyme, but it does have a rhytm that seems to fit the content. |
Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
| Tetramatre, Maus, and blank verse - shite writing, I just wish someone would say so. |
Okay - Shite Writing!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
There you go - I've said it.
But only because you wished it so . . .
Cheers!
Tolstoy X |
Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
| Thank you. |
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
And why does sir Brett put himself down? Is it the lack of sleep which he so beautifully described in this poem? x
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Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 26th July 2008 |
No, Paula. I just think my writing of late is crap! Shouldn't post it, I know. And you can drop the 'sir' Punchy - insomnia / knighted!
Brett may put himself down because someone else has put him up! Brett is used to being in the gutter and not looking at the stars.
Cheers |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 27th July 2008 |
I will look up the whale reference. If that's the way it is with you two, no wonder you can't sleep.
You were right to leave the snoring out of the poem. She would not have thanked you for the reminder, I expect. |
Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 27th July 2008 |
Spenser , V - not Spencer as in my typo. And don't say it like that, it's nice being awake next to her, though on the rare occasions we are together I don't have much choice but to stay awake with her stentorion snoring!
Cheers
The Spenser quote is from The Faery Queen - a favourite of my Keats. |
Stars!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 27th July 2008 |
To lie awake, and not look at them - that's the stuff that truly good poetry is made of, and Brett has proved it!
Stars!
Katie X
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Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 27th July 2008 |
Sadly not, John - I was paraphrasing Oscar Wilde.
Cheers |
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