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Drama Scripts
Free Roll
By LESMC1
30 July 2008
Trying to write a light hearted tale about tournament poker. Very new to writing of any kind and I am looking for pointers.



INT.  Mr Patel's mini mart liverpool- day
Mr PATEL, middle aged, stern looking, Indian with overtones of Liverpudlian, is busy stocking shelves.

MR PATEL
You know I should just sack you on the spot.

SAM, female, Age 26, wearing standard shop overall, is sitting at the till and smiles at Mr Patel.

SAM
I know, I know, I just need a bit more time to get my act together.
Sam looks a bit more positive.

MR PATEL
It's three years since you left University. You know what they say, "If you don't use it you lose it".

SAM
True, but tonight may change all that.
Mr Patel laughs and shakes his head.

MR PATEL
I don't think online poker is the answer.
Sam takes a folded piece of paper out of her overall pocket and hands it to Mr Patel who proceeds to read aloud in a patronising/slightly mocking tone.

MR PATEL (CONT'D)
Free Roll! You have been chosen. As one of our most valued players we are offering you the chance to become our sponsored professional for one year. The package will include two thousand pounds into your account, entry into twenty major European tournaments and a salary of forty thousand pounds plus all expenses.
Mr Patel folds the paper and hands it back to Sam.

MR PATEL (CONT'D)
Yeah! You have been chosen along with about two thousand other mugs.
Sam looks a bit miffed.

SAM
For you information it's seven thousand. Anyway, I am past that stage now. I'm in the final ten and the playoff is tonight at seven. So, at worst I have a one in ten shot.
Sam serves a customer and leaves Mr Patel time to contemplate her reply. The customer leaves.

MR PATEL
Last ten you say? No shit!
Sam laughs and seems slightly surprised at Mr Patel's language.

SAM
Yes, and I've never been placed less than third on a final table.
Mr Patel tries to hide his excitement.

MR PATEL
Still got some work to do. You will be up against the best online players in the world. Don't be too upset if you loose.

SAM
I know the odds, so no worries there. By the mere fact I am at the final table means I am one of the best in the world.

Mr Patel can't hide his excitement now.

MR PATEL
That's true, never thought of it like that. You better take the rest of the day off. You need to be prepared for tonight. I will tell Mrs. Patel to prepare some extra food and you can come to the house after the game. Don't forget.

EXT. road with large victorian houses liverpool - afternoon

Sam walks along the road and up the steps of a house. She unlocks the front door and enters.
Int. hall way - day
Sam checks the mailbox marked "flat 1" and takes some junk mail out. She opens her flat door and a cat runs in just ahead of her.

Int. Sams flat - day
Sam takes off her coat and overall and hangs them behind the door. She puts the kettle on in the split level kitchen and searches for a cup amongst the dirty dishes.
Later
Sam sitting on the sofa with the cat and watching TV "The Paul O'Grady Show". Sam looks at her watch.

SAM
Under two hours to go for the chance of a lifetime. Just think in a few hours I could be an international poker player travelling the globe.

The cat looks up at her and then carries on watching TV as Olga, Paul O'Grady's dog is on screen.

Int. office - eVENING
Two people, sitting at the same computer looking impatient.
JANE 48 very smartly dressed and head of the Met Serious Crimes Unit.

Jane
Russ should be here any minute now.
The door opens and a slightly flustered Russel 28, scruffy, bit of a geek, looks more like a pro skateboarder than a detective, hurries in clutching a file.

Russ
Sorry I'm late, had to finish my profiles.

JANE
Lets get the introductions over. This is Dave Wilson Poker Room Manager.
DAVE 50, smartly dressed, offers his hand to Russ who proceeds to wipe his own hand on his jeans before shaking Dave's hand.

RUSS
Hi Dave, Russ Austin fraud investigation. So who have we got?

Dave
We have five well known poker circuit players, and two top online players.
Russ looks through his file.

RUSS
Yep, got them. What have you got on the remaining three?

DAVE
Bill "The fisherman" Smith very aggressive player, tends to risk all if he smells weakness. Profile: Managing Director aged forty five.

Int Living room of a council house - same time

Bill "The fisherman" Smith a large man in tracksuit bottoms and Celtic football shirt sitting at his computer with a can of larger and a cigarette.

RUSS (V.O.)
I've got, fat bastard, on the permanent sick and sells contraband tobacco around the local pubs. He has been arrested several time for credit card fraud.

INT. OFFICE - same time
That revelation has thrown Dave a bit and this time reads from his own file.

DAVE
Next we have Sean "Enforcer" MacDonald. A very good tactical player and a student of odds. Profile 25, works on the stock market. Hobbies include; kick boxing and women.

INT. Living room of a large modern apartment - same time
James "Enforcer" MacDonald 25, sits at the dinning table with a glass of wine and observed only from the back.

RUSS (V.O.)
Almost right. Got a 1st in Theoretical Maths and works as a junior partner in his fathers brokers. Was European junior kick boxing champion.

Int. OfFICE - same TIME

DAVE
Finally we've got Sam "Hit'em low" Brook. He's statistically the best player online except for the fact, he only ever plays very low stake tournaments. He never pays  more than $5 for a tournament. He has won $8000 since joining which is very impressive. Profile: Shop worker.

Int. small flat living room - same time
Sam is frantically trying to get her computer to work, checking wires and switches.

RUSS (V.O.)
For a start Sam is female, but does work in a corner shop. She is an only child. She dropped out 2 years into her PhD in Behavioral Psychology after her parents were killed in a car crash.

SAM
Bollocks! Why can't I get on line? Shit!

Sam sits at her computer thinking of what the problem could be. Then it slowly dawns on her what the problem is. She frantically searches through an unruly mass of paper on the desk and picks out a dog-eared bill.  Sam goes to the phone and dials.

SAM (CONT'D)
Hi, I've forgot to pay my internet bill is it possible to pay now?... Yes! That's great and will I be online right away?... What! Twenty four hours. Is there no way I can get on now?...

She slams the phone down, picks up the cat and her coat from behind the door.

SAM (CONT'D)
Sorry cat but I've got to go out and so have you.

int. Mr PATEL'S house hallway - night 6.45 Pm
Mr Patel answers the door as a taxi pulls away. On the door is Sam looking a bit bothered.

MR PATEL
What are you doing here,you're game starts in 15 minutes? Come in.
Sam steps into the hallway and notices a large amount of people in the living room.

SAM
Sorry, I didn't realise you had company. I'll get off.

MR PATEL
No, no, it's no problem it's just the wife's relatives.

SAM
Is it OK if I use your computer, I'm having a few problems with mine. Namely, I forgot to pay my internet rental.

Int. MR PATEL'S HOUSE - night
Mr Patel leads her through the living-room where about ten people are chatting in English and Hindi and points to an alcove with a computer.

MR PATEL
Sorry about the location but my sons got the laptop at university.

Sam looks a bit embarrassed.

SAM
Are you sure it's OK?

Sam nods and smiles at the guest shyly as she finds her way across the room.

MR PATEL
You play your game. You may never get this chance again.

Mr Patel returns to his guests and starts chatting in Hindi. He gestures towards Sam explaining what is going on. The guests seem very interested and keep glancing over while she downloads the software.

INT. Office - NIGHT 7 pm
Only two remain in the office, Russ and Dave, who seem a lot more relaxed now that Jane has left.

RUSS
It boils down to two, Hit'em low and Enforcer. They are the only two who are unknown.

DAVE
There's also The Fisherman?

RUSS
You mean fast bastard. I just don't think he would be suitable for what I've got in mind.

DAVE
True...There off. Looks like Hit'em low is a none starter?

RUSS
I'm down to one then? She could be just late?.. Fat bastard has gone all in and been called.

Dave presses a few keys on the computer so he can see all the players hands.

DAVE
He's got ace's and the other guy has got ace-queen...Yep he's won.

INT. MR PATEL'S HOUSE living room - 7.15 pm
The crowed seem to have lost interest in Sam playing poker as she is still not finished downloading the software. Mr Patel comes over to Sam.

MR PATEL
How's it going?

SAM
Just launching it now... Yes! Lets see what they've been up to. Only seven players left and a couple have doubled up.

Sam's cards are shown face up as always in online poker.

MR PATEL
Wow! Ace. King.

Mrs. Patel, a small middle aged woman, Indian, appears at the side of Mr Patel.

MRS.  PATEL
Wow! Big slick. You going to slow play and hit them on the river or make your move now.

Mr Patel seems astonished at his wife's knowledge and Sam laughs.

SAM
I'm up against The Fisherman and he seems very aggressive. So I think I should just call for now.
The flop comes down and a crowed starts forming around the computer.

MRS. PATEL
What a flop! Ace, ace, king, you've got the nuts.

MR PATEL
Quiet women, let her play. Where are you getting all this from anyway?

MRS. PATEL
Poker on TV. I know how the The Devilfish would play this. He would check it to the river.

Mr Patel looks up to the heavens.

MRS. PATEL (CONT'D)
There he goes all in just like Sam predicted.

Sam goes all in.

Int Living room of a council house - night
Bill "The fisherman" Smith is still in his Celtic shirt and looking very smug. His little terrier dog is happy chewing a bone.

Bill "The fisherman" Smith
Full house, kings over aces. All in I think he's only got an ace.
Smugness turns to horror as he sees Sam's two aces and he knows he is beat. The dog looks up and starts to slink away under the table.

INT. mR PATEL'S HOUSE living room - 7.15 pm
A lot of cheering and clapping from the crowd surrounding Sam.

INT. OfFICE - 8.45 pm
Dave and Russ are drinking coffee transfixed on the game.

Dave
Where down to the last four and it looks like it's between your guys.

Russ
I think the "Enforcer" is going to win with his chip lead.
The "cowboy" has just gone all in with a pair of jacks and *Hit'em low" has called with sevens.

Int the cowboy's house 8.45 pm
The cowboy in his fifties dressed all in black wearing a Stetson and reflective sunglasses. He presses a key on his computer, stands up and starts dancing to the song "Know when to hold'em. Know when to fold'em".

Int  OfFICE - 8.45 pm

RUSS
The lucky bitch she's hit her seven. That makes her chip leader.

INT the cowboy's house 8.45 pm
The cowboy presses another key on his computer and slumps  into his chair to the song "I shot the sheriff".

INT office 9.30
Russ and Dave sit back in their chairs looking at the computer screen. Russ claps his hands.

RUSS
Yes! Down to the last two. Could not have dreamed for more, the perfect candidates.

DAVE
Hit'em has got a pair of two's. Enforcer has got AK. Here's the flop King, Ace, three. Enforcer has checked and is slow playing and Hit'em has made a modest bet. A seven on the turn and they have both checked. Wow! Two on the river and Enforcer has bet three quarters of his stack. The unlucky sod. Hit'em has raised him all in and he's called. We have our winner.

Russ ponders for a few moments.

RUSS
I'll take both of them. I will get my department to pay for "The Enforcer".

INT MR PATEL'S HOUSE living room same time
There is an hysterical crowd around Sam who is just staring at the computer screen in disbelief. A message comes on the screen "Well played the Enforcer". Sam replies, "thanks, but a bit lucky at the end".
Sam gets up from the computer and turns to the crowed in the room and her face lights up as it dawns on her that her life is going to change.
Mrs Patel starts dancing around the room and everybody starts joining in except for Mr Patel who looks happy but has a slight doubt niggling at the back of his mind.

To be continued....

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 3rd August 2008
I've just read this and I think it is a very credible effort. The formatting wasn't bad. Directions are traditionally done in brackets and scene settings in capitals but apart from that it was easy to read. 
The dialogue was realistic and pacy but they all seemed to have the same "voice" There was no real difference in rhythm, speech patterns, vocabulary. Their individual characters, motivation, agendas and personality need to come across very clearly in their speech so they leap off the page. That way we get to know them and bond with them. 
The transitions between scenes was really well done and kept the pace of the story lively. There were some great visual introductions to the card players and I loved the nick-names.  
 
I was puzzled as to why the police were involved. I didn't know on-line poker was illegal and if it was I'm surprised Mr Patel is supporting it. I think you need to explain their involvement a little more clearly. 
I was really gripped by the gambling scenes, you handled those very well. I didn't understand all the jargon but it didn't really matter. 
A good bit of scripting but you need more character revelation and some subtext in the dialogue but you have got me interested which is more than I can say for most of the dramas on TV recently 
cheers 
jane
thanks jane
Written by LESMC1 (1 comments posted) 4th August 2008
Some really good advice. Thanks. 
This is only the introduction so it would seem a bit confusing. Online poker is legal in the UK but not in the USA. The police are trying to find two unknown poker players to take on a gang of money launderers who are operating in land based casinos. I have chosen poker as by nature it is full of larger than life characters. I am having great difficulty giving my characters individual personalities, but I am working on this.  
thanks

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 4th August 2008
It might help if you wrote out a bit of biography for each character. How they got to where they are now. Don't bother too much with physical descriptions but things like motivation, agendas, personality [and personality flaws which are so important] Once you know them it will show up on the page. Maybe make them live up to their nicknames. 
Characters are defined by 3 main things Action- Emotion-Personality 
Just crank it all up to 10 and you'll have good characters :)  
jane

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