The thick grassy mohawk
Shoots down an unused road
I ramble for I'm in the mood
Foxgloves, Forget me nots and Yellow flowers
Of whose name I can never remember
Dress the ditches in droves
Thick, healthy country ditches
A Bee lands on my hand
Its body throbs in beat
Shagged from nectar eating
And the Indian Summer heat
He rests until he flies
Inside the finger of a foxglove
At the end of the road
Lies a stone wall and rusty gate
Perhaps a Masonic meeting place?
My weak push
Moves it enough for a body's width
And I slip in
Growth has come over this locus
Nettles, thorns, thistles and long stalked grass
My shin hits stone
And I scrape away ivy
To reveal a name
'Michael O' Mahoney
May he rest in peace'
As I walked home that delicious evening
I prayed to be buried in a place like that
Quiet, beautiful and lacking urban pain
And I picked and breathed in a Yellow flower
The one...Damn, I cannot remember the name
|
Strength! Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 31st July 2008 |
I think this goes from strength to greater strength as it progresses. The last stanza, with that brilliant last line, made me want to review it without delay! One niggle: I'm not sure about how you've phrased lines 4 & 5: ' . . . Yellow flowers of whose name I can never remember' Is the 'of' a typo? Or do you mean something like yellow 'flowers of St Patrick', which is a possible plant name (invented here)? Anyway, much enjoyed overall! Cheers! John |
Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 31st July 2008 |
Steve, I thought this a very intriguing and beautiful piece. Lines 4 & 5 that John wasn't sure about, I think wonderful simply because of the use of 'forget me nots' before 'of whose name I can never remember.' Some lovely phrases and images; 'It's body throbs in beat', 'Inside the finger of foxglove'. And why does 'Indian summer heat' not sound cliched? That final stanza would be a fitting epitaph on the gravestone of anyone who appreciated the wonder of both nature and life. Loved this. Cheers |
I like this Written by Brett (1002 comments posted) 31st July 2008 |
The more I read it. There is a fairytale quality almost. This really is one for me to return to again and again. Thanks. Cheers |
Written by Steve_K (58 comments posted) 31st July 2008 |
Thanks lot for the reviews guys. Yes John perhaps I should have left out the 'of' because I was not thinking of a specific type of flower as you rightly pointed out but I think it still works ok even if I leave it. Thanks again. Thanks a lot for the kind comments Brett. I spent a lot of time on this one, well a lot of time for me anyway and I'm very happy you've enjoyed it that much. Muchos Gracias amigo |
Ah! I see! Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 31st July 2008 |
. . . I think. So it would prosaically read something like, "Let me me not forget the people whose names I can't remember' ? Hmmm ! Much to ponder, but I'm a bit less fuddled on your meaning now, I hope. All the best! John X |
Written by Phil (7007 comments posted) 1st August 2008 |
Liked this very much, Steve. Glad I wasn't the only one to catch the fairy tale quality here. Phil |
Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 4th August 2008 |
Loved the simple beauty of nature expressed in this piece. I agree about the fairytale quality also. Lovely! Kellie |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.